HIGNFY

The joys of spare ticket syndrome have stuck again as I've just spent a very pleasant evening watching a recording of Have I Got News For You.

Alongside Ian Hislop was BBC newsreader Kate Silverton, and with Paul Merton was poet, broadcaster and 'professional northerner from Barnsley', Ian McMillan. Hosting the evening - Jeremy Clarkson.

A good evening started with Jo Caulfield doing some stand up to warm up the audience and then into the show. The actual recording started at 7.50pm and ran for 2 hours - with a few retakes it meant it finally finished at 10.10pm.

OK, it wasn't a completely riotous 2 hours of non-stop humour - inevitably there were a few misses - but much was good quick witted stuff. Kate Silverton was told she looked like a particular C4 style/clothes show presenter, Ian McMillan told a great joke about a Yorkshire tombstone amongt other slightly surreal observations, Ian Hislop had his usual pithy observations, and Paul Merton had a couple of great one liners and flights of fancy - one answer he gave in the "missing words" round was superb and had Jeremy Clarkson in tears.

Clarkson held the whole thing together well but a particular highlight was Paul Merton telling some old gags - probably dating back to his early stand up act 20 years ago - while we all waited for the retakes to be set up. Simply excellent.

Tomorrow night, BBC1, 9pm.

The Magic Rectangle

Just over halfway through a busy week. Lots of stuff going on - work, evening meetings, discussions and catching up with people.

Decide to unwind with a brief bit of telly. Unlike most of the nation I couldn't a monkey's about The Apprentice, but thankfully there is the return of Location, Location, Location which I'm able to catch on C4+1.

Now, I actually can't stand the rash of property porn shows there are on our screens - most seem evil and generally they all merge into a ghastly 'Grand Design in the Attic in the Sun with a Property Doctor Show' - but I do have a soft spot for Location, Location, Location.

Well... for Phil and Kirstie.

Well... mainly for Kirstie.

If having a thing for Kirstie Allsop is wrong, I don't want to be right.

I've said too much...

Website of the week

Remember the 80s? Flock of Seagulls haircuts, shoulder pads, and mobile phones the sizes of briefcases proudly boasting a talk time of up to 45 min!

Then, of course, there were the 'delights' of the 'mixtape'.

I don't think 'enjoy' is the right word...

Strange Week

It's been a strange week.

The bank holiday makes it a short working week and the office is quiet, but there is still loads to do.

News that I've got a ticket see the NFL game at Wembley in the autumn is well received - the amount it will cost perhaps less so!

A potentially quiet weekend - especially in comparison to recent ones - is slightly tempered when I look at my diary and see how busy the coming week is.

A couple of other situations put things in perspective and reinforce the fact that as much as I love words, sometimes saying or writing the right things is incredibly difficult.

Indeed, sometimes I wonder if words are ever enough?

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

The hat is back. After a long 19 year wait we get the next installment of the adventures of the mid-western university professor. Was it worth the wait?

Well, er, no. Let there be no doubt, this film is an absolute stinker - it is awful.

Cate Blanchett seems to have wandered in from the adjoining film lot as she appears to be a SMERSH baddie from a 1970s Bond movie. Her accent is three parts generic East European villain combined with one part Chelsea; whenever she says "Doctor Jones" she sounds like she live just off the Kings Road. Ray Winstone plays a character called Mac whose reason for being in the film seems to pop up every once in a while and shout "Jonesy!" at the top of his voice. Shia LaBeouf (the bloke from the Transformers film) is Mutt Williams, a quiff adorned, leather jacket wearing teenager who is supposed to be some type of "Marlon Brando from The Wild One" character but actually ends up looking like a reject from a Village People tribute band. I could go on...

Are there any good bits. Well, yes. The start shows promise with a nice 'Area 51' allusion and some references to McCarthyism in the USA - although this is partly undone when one the interrogators is played by the 'Janitor from Scrubs' and 'Jim Robinson/Marissa in The OC's stepdad/the bloke from Ugly Betty' is the senior army general. Harrison Ford is excellent, he still has great comedy timing and screen presence. Karen Allen, from the first film, returns as Indy's love interest but doesn't get enough screen time. Jim Broadbent is wonderful as Indy's university boss, but even that sub plot is inconsistent - Indy is threatened with the sack yet he is a tenured professor...

It's a mish-mash. Spielberg said he wanted to reduce the use of CGI in this film - yet two big scenes, a nuclear explosion and the grand finale, are simply rammed full of CGI 'magic'. Lucas said he didn't want to make another Indiana Jones film until he had a story and script of sufficient quality. If this is the best he could find after 19 years - a story that seems to have given up half way through and simply added some leftover pages from an X-Files episode to pad it out - you wonder what on earth he rejected.

The hat still looks great, and the soundtrack is excellent with those wonderfully familiar sounds, but overall you sort of wish that everyone, including you in the audience, simply hadn't bothered.

Website of the week

More proof that some people have way too much time on their hands.

Voices and Vision

Spending a couple days back in the Midlands so after heading back up the M40 I toddle off to send the afternoon in Worcester with my Mum.

Although I've been to Worcester on numerous occasions I've never actually been around the cathedral - and what a lovely place it is. It's been around for centuries and is packed with surprising history - for example I never knew it was the final resting place of King John. A tea stop in the lovely refectory - I can recommend the flapjack - and then a potter around the cloister which contained an art exhibition - Voices and Visions - from Worcestershire schools, much of which is excellent (for more see here).

A stroll along the picturesque river and a potter around the city centre - a pleasant start, in pleasant weather, to a bank holiday weekend.

Champion the Wonder Horse...

I didn't watch the Champions League final - it was exactly the sort of game I want both sides to lose. Mind you, with Drogba being sent off for a girly slap and Anelka, Ronaldo and Terry all missing penalties, it was very nearly the ideal outcome for me.

It also highlighted the power of the internet as within hours I'd been sent the picture below.

Iron Man

Tony Stark is a Bill Gates type figure in arms manufacturing. A young genius, he became the head of the family multinational business, developing and selling high tech weaponry, as well as being a sort of rock star/playboy figure in the world of commerce.

He gets captured in Afghanistan and realises that - shock, horror - some of his weapons have got into the hands of the baddies, i.e. non-US forces. He escapes, has his epiphany and decides he wants to 'make a difference.' As part of this he develops an Iron Man suit to fight for good and justice etc. etc.

As popcorn films go this is pretty good - the special effects are excellent, there is the semblance of a plot, and there is good use of humour. Robert Downey Jr is excellent as the lead - funny, vulnerable, strong when needed. To be honest, he pretty much carries the film and is worth the price of a ticket alone. It would have been a lot worse with someone else in the role. He's ably supported by Gwyneth Paltrow and Jeff Bridges. The film does lose its way after about 90mins - it's well set up plot wise but then seems unsure where to take it, perhaps they had an eye on the sequel?

It's not a brilliant movie, but it's far better than any of last year's rather poor threequels and is a good 'popcorn' watch. I came out from it with two thoughts - how cool is Robert Downey Jr? And how hot is Gwyneth Paltrow?

For the excellent Mark Kermode's take on it see this review - this one has even intercut some of the good Doctor's vocal impressions.

Website of the week

And you thought your sofa was ugly?? Just look at the winner of last year's Ugly Couch Contest.

For some more details see here, and for some previous winners look here.

Catching up

It's been a busy week- ridiculously so. Various stuff - work stuff, other stuff - culminating in doing, somewhat bizarrely, a sort of talk to a local youth group.

Overall a busy and bitty week - hopefully tomorrow will be a chance to veg out.

Hello Z gap!

Look, I'm on the web!

Busyness

Apologies but been a hectic week so a lack of posts.

Hope to catch up fully this weekend.

Happy Go Lucky

In Mike Leigh's new film we meet Poppy, a young, single primary school teacher. We meet her friends, see her take driving and flamenco lessons, and generally see a slice of her North London life.

And that's pretty much it.... virtually nothing happens in this film.

Whether you like or hate this film will depend on how much you like Poppy's 'quirkiness' and 'always look on the bright side' take on life. Me? I just about stood it, but only just.

My main problem was about 90mins into the film I realised there wasn't actually much of story. We meet Poppy, spend some time with her, but nothing is resolved in the plot as there is no plot to resolve. The story doesn't seem to go anywhere - and then the end credits role.

Now, this is not a film to completely dismiss as a complete waste of my time - tempted though I am. The acting is excellent with numerous lovely character pieces who all interact well. London is far more recognisable than the version we tend to see on screen through the eyes of Hollywood and/or Richard Curtis but still looks beautiful. There is even a trip to Southend. But...

There are several scenes which easily could have been cut without ruining the film - the flamenco lessons, the visit to the physio etc. - whose overall running time is too long. In another scene Poppy is coming home past a deserted warehouse late at night. She hears a noise which she investigates by going in to the said derelict warehouse and ends up chatting to a tramp. Eh?? No - people just wouldn't do that.

That scene, like much of the film, just doesn't ring true. Disappointing.

Website of the week

I know it's an advert - but I do like this.

Pottering around Puttenham

The weather is glorious so strap the bike on the roof of the car and head into Surrey. Do a lovely 25+ mile circuit around some rural parts of the North Downs, starting and finishing in Guildford.

I still find it amazing that you can find an oasis of rural Britain so close to London, and take in countryside that wouldn't look out of place in an English-set, Hollywood-financed romcom movie, such as Seale Church in the picture.

You can almost make out Hugh Grant and/or Bonneville and Kate Winslet in the background.

Follow the umbrella

Occasionally in London I'll do something 'touristy' - it's a global city which get loads of visitors and sometimes those of us who live here forget why people visit. Today was one of those days.

I've driven round Hyde Park corner numerous times but I've never actually visited Wellington Arch or No 1 London. Both are fascinating in their own way but the real gems are the monuments around the arch, especially the New Zealand and Australian ones.

To make me feel like a tourist I happened to be there as the guards made their way through the arch.

To make me feel like I live here I bumped into some people I knew on the escalator at Hyde Park tube station!

Blimey, it's Boris

Comedians and satirists relax. Your prayers have been answered. For the next four years you should never be short of material - Boris has been elected Mayor.

Some observations;
* Both Boris and Ken have big 'personal' votes - given how badly the other results have been for Labour, would the London defeat have been greater if it had not been for Ken's personal support?
* If Ken had run as an 'Independent', as he had to in 2000, would he still be Mayor?
* Ken's speech following the defeat was very gracious - more so when you consider how ill-tempered some of the campaigning had been. If he had shown such graciousness and humility earlier, or during his time in office, would he still be Mayor?

All rather academic now - but let's strap ourselves in as the next four years could be entertaining.

Well, I'm working on a couple of ideas...

Last night I toddled along to the latest meeting of the writer's group I'm sort of part of. Have to admit I'm starting to feel a bit of a fraud. Others are moving ahead with their draft scripts and ideas, and one even has a Stargate tie-in audio book coming out soon. I've got a rather lame 3/4 finished script that seemed 'a good idea at the time', and some lame idea about a leaving party.

I could come over all arty and say I'm "struggling with my craft" - but the reality is I'm either too busy, or lack the discipline of setting sufficient time aside to put fingers to keyboard. Heck, I'm even rubbish at updating this blog...

Ho-hum...

A slightly surreal evening

For reasons I'm a little unclear about - though apparently I was "on a couple of people's lists" - I am invited to the launch of Now I am a Person, a book linked to the Umthombo Street Children project. The venue is 11 Downing Street.

Have to admit it's all slightly weird. The author/photographer of the book says a few very well chosen words, Simon Mayo interviews the Umthombo founders, and the Chancellor of the Exchequer is present. The contrast between the location and the reason for the event is also quite poignant.

The most surreal part of the evening is when a small Scottish women, full of energy, bounds up to our small group and says, "Hello, I'm Maggie Darling." It takes me a moment to put two and two together and work put that she is 'Mrs Chancellor of the Exchequer'.

So, a slightly surreal, but throughly enjoyable evening.

A compliment... but then again...

Today my boss commented that she valued my 'measured responses' to things.

Couldn't help but think that it could be interpreted that I was forthright and gobby...

Website of the week

If the toaster can have an online museum, then why not the humble banana?

"Like Barry from Eastenders"

Yesterday was a beautiful day, a real sense that spring had finally sprung - and I spent most of it in a meeting in a church basement.

Actually it's not a bad as it sounds. A chance to catch up with people, throw around ideas, look back on the past year but also forward to the next. Breaks for coffee, food, and a much welcome drink down the pub for an hour, also helped!

There was a slightly surreal part of the day when the issues of being single got discussed - quite how I'm not entirely sure - and it was quite intriguing. How we address the issues facing those who are 'desperate and dateless' (or who perhaps end up in the 'freaks, geeks and losers' category - don't worry, all the terms were used in 'ironic' quotes and initiated by those of us in the categories!) threw up some interesting ideas; and surprised me how out of touch on such an issue some can be.

Intriguingly, I'm at that 'awkward age'. I'm slightly too old to be in the first flush of attractive singledom - but if I wait another 10 years then my time will come. Those currently in relationships become divorced and I, as a 'nice guy', become a hot property - woo-hoo!!

Amusingly, and completely separately to all this, someone is trying to play cupid and set me up. "Just look them up on Facebook, send them an email or message, and take it from there," were the instructions. Now one flaw is I don't actually know their Facebook name, nor do I particularly use Facebook, but that wasn't my main issue.

"So I just send them a message out of the blue and suggest meeting up? Despite the fact that I don't know her, or what she looks like, and she has no idea who I am? It seems somewhat... contrived? Not exactly a 'natural' way of meeting up is it?" I say.

"I was trying to think if you've met before and was trying to describe what you looked like."

"Barry from Eastenders is often said as a pretty good likeness," I reply. The day moves on.

Later the person rather sweetly apologised for embarrassing me earlier. The apology was unnecessary but I suppose I was embarrassed - it was the whole 'arrange a blind date via Facebook' thing that threw me most. Mind you, as I often say, it's when people stop trying to set me up that I need to worry!

;o)

Son of Rambow

Son of Rambow is a charming and very British picture which follows the unlikely friendship of two boys - one a bit of a cocky so and so and the other from a strict Plymouth Brethren family - as they attempt to make their own version of Rambo. It's a film set it the 80s and has beautifully observed moments of the decade - poor hairstyles, VHS video and how cool foreign exchange students seemed. But it should have been such a better film.

Yep, this movie has heaps of charm, some nice laughs, and does capture growing up in the 80s well - it is also incredibly annoying. As much as I wanted to love and be charmed by it, there are just a few too many faults that got in the way of me totalling enjoying it.

Firstly, the two main children are annoying - you, frankly, just want to slap the cocky one, and the acting of the other is, at times, painful. A subplot involving the mother of one of the children as she struggles to do right by both her son but also her strict faith is wonderfully played by Jessica Stevenson, but ultimately seems to go nowhere. The worst thing is the criminal under use of Eric Sykes in a cameo that is so brief that if you blink you are in danger of missing it, but it still completely lights up the film.

Son of Rambow is not a bad film - it has much to commend it - but you just feel that it could have been so much better, and ultimately you sense a wonderful opportunity lost.

Website of the week

And why shouldn't this humble but vital kitchen appliance have a wonderful website dedicated to it??

Connections deep and wide...

Spent the last couple of evenings catching up with friends. Thursday was a drink and some food with a friend who I did my accountancy studies with 10 years ago. We've kept in touch and now his career has brought him to the world of Whitehall - handy for catching up when you work in the Westminster village!

Last night was a meal in north London with a group of friends I used to work with nearly 10 years ago - in many respects people to whom I owe my career. Again we've kept in touch and gather together over food once in a while to catch up, gossip and find out what's going on in our lives. The conversation was varied, and at one point I commented that I'd been to at least a wedding a year for the past 15 years - often several in some years.

This seemed to surprise them, not that I got invited to weddings as I'd been to most of their's, but the amount I'd been to. Most of them had only been to a handful, which I found slightly strange especially as I was the only unattached person in the group. I said I guess I know quite a lot of people and often through different aspects of my life - few of my friends intersect. I probably have a wide circle of friends/acquaintances (aside - when does an acquaintance shift to friend territory? - end aside) but I suspect most of the relationships aren't as deep as theirs - for example, many friends and family are spread out around the country. It's probably different to those who have a smaller, but deeper circle of friends and family. Anyway the conversation quickly moved on to catching up with something else.

Driving back I had a brief ponder. I know I'm quite private and can keep a distance - I'm aware of the irony that I have a blog (!) - yet I also keep in touch with people over many years. Is a smaller, but deeper, circle of friends better than a wider set of acquaintances that last over several years?

Who knows - and does it matter? All I know is it was thoroughly enjoyble spending time catching up with people with whom you have a connection and a shared history.

Such time is always time well spent.

Website of the week

Wouldn't you just love to do this at Waterloo or St Pancras?

Frozen Grand Central

1066 and all that

As we were all taught at school, William the Conquerer landed on the South Coast in 1066 and there was the Battle of Hastings. It is, of course, slightly incorrect. The invading Norman forces landed at Pevensey, a few miles to the west of Hastings, then proceeded inland and had the battle a few miles to the north of Hastings - at a place now cunningly called Battle. They pretty much avoided Hastings - and having been there today I can understand why.

If you like traditional seaside tat and fried food, then Hastings will have some appeal. It's clearly a town which has been through hard times, but there are signs of improvement - there seems to be a fairly new shopping centre and the Old Town part of Hastings has several lovely back alleys with an eclectic range of shops, bars and cafes. Nonetheless, I couldn't warm to the place - it just seemed, well, sad.

I didn't expect Bexhill, just up the coast, to offer much. It's probably best known as being the butt of several Goon jokes and where Eddie Izzard spent much of his childhood. To be honest there isn't really much there to keep you long, but it does have the magnificent De La Warr Pavilion.

Beautiful and imposing it combines an auditorium, gallery spaces and a cafe/restaurant all overlooking the coast - an excellent arts centre. It's just been recently renovated and, to me, proves that the main problem with buildings is not when they were constructed, but how well maintained they are. A Victorian building can just as easily become grotty as this concrete modernist masterpiece - all that's needed is a bit of TLC.

It's not to everyone taste - but I love it. A work of art hosting works of art.

Chichester

I've never been to Chichester - and I wasn't intending on doing so as part of this trip. However, on an impulse I turn off the A27 and am so glad I did. What a charming town.

Here the skyline is dominated by the cathedral. It's one of the oldest in England - the See of Chichester was established in 1075 and the building of present cathedral was begun in 1076. It's a proper, massive cathedral and an intriguing contrast to Portsmouth. However, like Portsmouth it is also a lovely welcoming place at the heart of the town - the cathedral is on the edge of the main shopping area and opposite the House of Fraser store. It feels an integral part of the town and whilst I pottered around the place there as a brief pause as, on the hour, a couple of short prayers were said from the pulpit. It had the right vibe - blending faith, history and relevance.

Having wandered around the town centre for a little while I stumbled across the Pallant House Gallery. It's a wonderful, smallish gallery housing a fascinating collection of modern art. An absolute gem of a place and I spent a good while working my way round the artistic displays. Here, in a gallery down a side street, I came across works by Picasso, Dali, Nash, Moore, Hepworth, Sutherland, Nicholson, Caulfield, Hodgkin, Freud, Hockney, Blake and Warhol. Should you ever be in Chichester, and even remotely interested in art, I heartily recommend you pay a visit - and if modern art isn't your thing it has an excellent bookshop and restaurant/cafe. Simply delightful.

Solent Views

In Notes on a Small Island Bill Bryson comments that it must look strange as he dines alone in various local restaurants at typical British seaside towns out of season. I know how he feeld as I'm sat in a pizza restaurant overlooking the Solent as various ships, ferries and hovercrafts go by - there is even a bloke sculling in a rowing boat. It's out of season and I've escaped London to the south coast for a couple of days.

The Spinnaker Tower dominates the Portsmouth skyline. It's impressive, iconic and beautiful. It is also completely pointless. I join a queue, pay my money, join another queue for the lift (there is only one and you can't walk up), go up, look at the view (which is impressive) join another queue and then get in the same lift to go down. I'm there less than half an hour - most of which is in queues for the lift - and have paid £7. Like many UK tourist things it promises more than it delivers - it's a great idea but poorly delivered. It is best viewed from afar.

The rest of the new development at Portsmouth seems to be the work of a group of 14 year olds who had too many Red Bulls - it's hideous and Portsmouth has replaced one dated and worn development for one which will itself look dated in a decade. You sense a missed opportunity.

Less than a mile away and you come to Old Portsmouth. Whilst there is not much there, you can stroll by the harbour entrance and then stumble across the delightful Portsmouth Cathedral. In the middle of a residential square the Cathedral is wonderfully accessible and homely - it shows its roots as an upgraded parish church. A church has been on the site since the 12th century but the the Portsmouth Diocese was only created in 1927, and some parts of the Cathedral weren't finished until 1991. There is little pomp or glamour - there is no cafe and only a small bookshop unlike most other cathedrals. It's one of the nicest cathedrals I've been in, and one you feel you could make your local church if you lived locally - which is as it should be.

A little further on and you come across the Royal Garrison Church - and you thought your local parish church had a roof problem!

Overall don't know what to make of Portsmouth. It has loads of history, a long naval tradition, the beauty of the Solent and the lovely open spaces at Southsea. The weather has been glorious and I've no doubt seen it in its best light, but... I don't know. Like many coastal towns you wish it well, you hope that the new development will work and it will be less reliant on football for its identity. You hope you're wrong - but you just feel that its best days are behind it.

Spring in south west London

It is supposed to spring - south west London awoke to this...

Intriguing...

Somewhat strangely in the past fortnight I've been asked three times, each by different people in different situations and who all know me in different contexts, whether I see myself moving back to Birmingham.

I've been in London now for over 11 years. Admittedly I've spent a lot of time back in Brum, and have lived in four very different parts of London in the past 11 years, but only the other day I, for perhaps the first time in a long while, was thinking to myself how much I felt at home were I currently am...

Must be a vibe I appear to be giving off...

Even more surreal

Following day after the wedding I catch up with me Mum and in the evening head off to a restaurant just outside Solihull - nothing flash, just the local Beefeater/Harvester thing.

During dessert a group come the table next to us. I look up and then do a double take - one of them looks familiar. Apply the obscure TV knowledge I possess - often in demand for the occasional quiz night - and yep, it's her.

Next table contains Corrie, Bad Girls and Carry On Cleo legend - Amanda Barrie. One thought goes through my mind - why??

Nice one Cyrille

Back in Birmingham for a couple of days - mainly to go to a friend's wedding. Good time had by all at a traditional British bash - nice church, heartfelt speeches, disco and conga line. The day had a nice vibe.

Father of the Bride's speech commented that all her family were West Brom fans, and all the Groom's were Coventry. How can this difference be reconciled? He produced a photo of Baggies and Sky Blue legend Cyrille Regis and hoped they could all unite behind him.

A couple of hours later - just before the disco - Father of the Bride took the microphone and referred back to Cyrille. Then, in one of the most surreal moments I've encountered at a wedding, he announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, he is here tonight. Cyrille Regis!" And in he walked - still looking as young as ever.

Incredible - on so many levels...

Mission of madness?

I've just watched Bear Grylls:Mission Everest which I recorded from yesterday and I don't think I've seen such a couple of slightly posh daft sods in my life. Many of Bear Grylls' films are quite entertaining -this was, but for the wrong reasons.

The idea - for exactly what reason was never clear - was to try to fly over Everest using paramotors. Imagine a person with a parachute and a massive fan on their back and you get the sort of idea. Bear's companion in this folly was Gilo Cardozo whose job was to design the motors and who seemed to have modelled himself on the Harry Enfield 'Tim-nice-but-dim' character.

Firstly, one engine froze prior to testing in an industrial cold wind tunnel - a fairly major design you might have thought given they needed to operate in extreme cold. This meant that they eventually turned up in Nepal with one engine that hadn't been tested... or run... at all.

Then their dry run in the Alps failed due to strong winds - though these were winds that were lower that they expected to find at Everest. Bear realised that the wind might actually be a problem so instead of flying over Everest, they decided they'd fly at a greater height, but a few miles to the south. Didn't that negate the original idea?

Finally they take off - that's after,

• having had trouble with the weather balloons they were using to assess the weather and find a suitable 'window'. Again, surely another fairly fundamental problem??
• having had Gilo make last minute adjustments to one engine whilst it was on Bear's back as he was about to take off - talk about at the 11th hour!
• Gilo's wife - who for some reason had come along on the trip - had a nosebleed just as Gilo was about to take off.

Having taken off their radio communication then began to break up and they had to do '3 clicks for yes and 2 for no'. Now most Everest expeditions manage to have radio communications so why did their's fail? A little later Gilo's engine - the one which had to be rebuilt and hadn't been tested or even flown since it froze at the wind tunnel - packed up and he had to descend early. Oh, yes the altimeters also froze and stopped working at 19,000 feet - so they had no idea how high they were and wouldn't know if they'd achieved their target height until after they landed!

The final 'irony' was that having landed when they looked at the equipment to try to see how high Bear had gone.... they discovered the altimeter had stopped working completely at around 25,000 feet - we'd never know if he'd done it or not!

Absolutely unbelievable - the overall impression the programme left me was that 2 slightly barmy posh blokes had gone off on some under prepared jolly jape. Harry Hill's TV Burp - consistently one of the funniest things on television - had got huge laughs from Bear Grylls previous series. Can't wait to see this weekend's edition - he should have a field day!

There Will Be Blood

The latest film from PT Anderson tells the story of Daniel Plainview in the early part of the 20th century as he searches for oil, and particularly as he drills for oil in one area of California.

The film has had great reviews and Daniel Day-Lewis gives a mesmeric performance in the lead role, for which he quite rightly won the Best Actor Oscar. Some parts of the film are excellent and the period is wonderfully evoked - the power of striking oil is wonderfully captured and put across on the screen.

However, as with No Country For Old Men, I just couldn't warm to the film overall. None of the characters are particularly likable and I'm not sure I care what happens to them - which is surely a major flaw in a film?

Yes it's better than 99% of the films currently on release, and yes there are some interesting subplots - the father/son relationship and the role of the local minister being two of them - but at the end I couldn't help thinking that I seen a cross between Citizen Kane and Dallas. Harsh? Undoubtedly - but honest.

Does my bum look big in this?

Now, I'm rarely at the height of fashion. Like Jeremy Paxman I'm more likely to worry about the gusset support of trusty M&S underwear than whether I'm wearing the latest 'must have of the season'.

However, a bizarre combination of an upcoming wedding invitation and me needing a new suit means that I'm unexpectedly at the forefront of fashion - I've popped into the newly opened Banana Republic store on Regent Street.

It's basically a smarter version of Gap - but I know what I like and this sort thing appeals to me. I do note, however, that even a new store, whose assistants were good in showing me where things were, still has that universal issue of not having enough tills open when I actually want to pay for the stuff.

My descent into middle aged grumpiness continues...

A summer sport

Know that Rugby League is now supposed to be a summer sport - but can someone please tell the weather?

Go to see my local Super League team for the second time this season - and for the second time it's absolutely freezing. Never mind the players - the cheerleaders must be in danger of hypothermia as we got four seasons in the space of one match.

Oh yes - and an inept second half performance also meant defeat...

Website of the week

It's not really a website - but enjoyable nonetheless.

Forest for the trees

Back from a long weekend at Center Parcs, Longleat to celebrate a 'landmark' birthday of a relative.

Never been to Center Parcs before and have to admit I found it a bit strange. It's well set out and there is plenty to do - even the really bad weather we had over the weekend didn't stop us from doing anything planned - but it feels a bit artificial, pretending to be remoter than it actually is. Is it really any different to a Butlins resort? Though perhaps a bit more middle class!

However, as with most breaks it isn't so much where you are as who you're with and a lovely time was had. For this sort of thing - a celebratory long weekend with multigenerational ages - it was ideal. A thoroughly enjoyable few days.

Duchamp, Man Ray, Picabia

Having had a pretty hectic week it's nice to toddle off to an evening showing of the current exhibition at Tate Modern.

Now, what is art? The never ending question in modern art, and one which I'm not going to solve now. All I will say is that the famous Duchamp Fountain (a urinal on its back) is not art - if it were it makes B&Q and Wickes wonderful chains of accessible art galleries.

However, at this exhibtion in amongst all the emperor's new clothes there are some wonderful items - particularly the impressionist pieces in room 3 and some of the Man Ray photography.

If you like modern art - and lots do as this was the busiest evening viewing I'd ever been to at Tate Modern - then you'll like this. If not, this exhibition will just annoy rather than convert you.

We interrupt this service...

Nothing on the blog front as it's been a very busy week. Hopefully the normal service of my erratic, and occasionally mildly amusing, blog posting will resume shortly.

In the meantime - a brief interlude.



Remember - this is what television used to show. Better times??

Juno

A quirky off-beat 16 year old finds she is pregnant - what happens next? Juno is a bit strange - lovely but strange. What she should do? Abortion is thought about - she even makes it as far as the clinic - but elects for a 'good old fashioned quick adoption'. That's the story in a nutshell.

I'm intrigued as how this movie was pitched to the funders; teenage pregnancy and adoption don't immediately sound full of laughs or good 'box office'. But don't let the premise of this film put you off as you will miss a film that handles a delicate subject very well - far better than I've seen for a long time either in film or on TV.

As well as having many jokes, it's also a thoughtful character driven piece - there is not a weak link in the excellent cast. Ellen Page is superb, mixing emotion with humour as her character deals with her situation. Michael Cera and Jason Bateman - two of the actors in the very funny and much missed Arrested Development TV series - are good value. Additionally, Jennifer Garner, Allison Janney and JK Simmons all make the best use of their limited screen time to get their characters across.

Its 12A rating has raised a few eyebrows given the subject material - and in the screening I went to the largest demographic was 11-14 year olds by far - however, the film's honest portrayl of a sensitive situation is so good, and so well handled, that I hope many more see it.

A delightful, quirky and funny gem that tenderly deals with a potentially difficult subject.

All about timing

Another four year wait then...

;o)

You know you're old (part 94)

I realised that every item of clothing I had on - with the sole exception of my cufflinks - is from Marks and Spencer...

You can almost hear the male menopause - along with the inapproriate purchase of leather trousers to regain lost youth - approaching...

Website of the week

Do you ever wonder where you could find someone who looked like Kenny Rogers?

Thankfully there are professionals.

Doing what you can

Well last night wasn't my normal Friday night - I was sat in a church listening to a black former Zimbabwean international cricketer sign Nessum Dorma. I've just thoroughly enjoyed An Evening with Henry Olonga.

I saw Henry Olonga play in the 1999 Cricket World Cup - always an erratic bowler his first spell had been pretty poor. He then came on, took 3 wickets in an over, bowling India out and handing Zim the victory. At the 2003 World Cup he and Andy Flower wore black armbands to highlight the situation in Zim - at great personal cost to them both.

Now based in the UK I'd heard Henry speak and sing a few years ago. Funny, articulate and passionate I was impressed with how he came across - and even more surprised with the beauty of his singing voice. Now pursing a musical career, he continues to raise awareness about the situation in Zim.

Last evening - organised by the charity Tearfund who are doing a lot of work in the country - beautifully mixed song, humour and cricket as well as continuing to highlight the problems in Zim. With several ex-pats in the audience (there is a large SA & Zim community in SW London) some moments were very poignant - during one song the woman next to me was weeping - but there was also humour. At one point Henry's comment to the Zims in the audience "do you remember growing up when we used to laugh at Zambia" brought some chuckles (trust me, if you're African it is one of those funny truisms) as did the joke about the name of Idi Amin's boat? Idi-yacht.

As Henry said, he didn't feel he could contribute much to solving the situation in Zim back in 2003 when he and Andy Flower made their stance - but he did what he could. A thought for us all.

Old Mother Hubbard?

This is the current state of my fridge.

I need to get to out more...

...if nothing else...

...to buy some groceries.

Website of the week

I've been a bit lax with these of late. Anyway...

...if we campaign enough perhaps this could be in the 2012 Olympics.

Elgar and the the Apostles

Last night spent a lovely evening in the wonderful surroundings of the Cathedral and Abbey Church of St Albans listening to the Hertfordshire Chorus perform The Apostles by Elgar.

It's a work that I don't think is performed too often - the need for 6 soloists, a full choir and orchestra suggest it's quite a project for a choral group to tackle.

A thoroughly enjoyable evening - good company and an interesting piece beautifully performed in a very appropriate location.

Bah, humbug...

;o)

Enjoy the video below - from the ever reliable and thought provoking people at PostSecret.

You know you're geting old when...

Got the following text yesterday - this is exactly what it said, punctuation, spaces and all.

That gr8 news!luk4wad2it!v.xtid!hopeurok:-)

It took me about 5 minutes to work it out...

Surf's up?

The weather is still glorious as I have a wander around the seaside town of Bournemouth. First stop is the slightly strange Russell-Cotes Museum.

It's the sort of museum that Britain does well - small and basically a collection of eclectic stuff that a couple of perhaps slightly eccentric Victorians gathered on their travels. With lots of paintings, pottery and knick-knacks it is a lovely little place to waddle around. That it "is a combination of Italianate villa and Scottish Baronial set in grounds incorporating a Japanese garden" adds to its charm. I head down into the town and then take a stroll along the pier and the sea front - on a cool, crisp, sunny winter's morning its a lovely place to be.

For the past couple of days I'd been staying at the Urban Beach Hotel - an achingly trendy 'boutique hotel' which has had great things written about it in the Times, Guardian, and Elle. It's lovely - the rooms are the nicest I've stayed in for a while - but I'm not sure, and I don't think it is either, whether it's a small hotel with a great bar, or a great bistro bar with rooms attached. It's in Boscombe rather than Bournemouth proper, and has a laid back surf theme. The fact that the surf is minimal on this part of the south coast doesn't actually matter - currently there are plans to build an artificial reef in the sea which will create more surf. Even without that I did manage to spot some hardy surfers in the morning. If you're looking for somewhere different to stay on the south coast, you could do a lot worse.

Refreshed after a brief break, I head back to west London.

A place by the sea

A stunning crisp and sunny day greets me as I head out along parts of the South Coast I probably haven't seen since I was a small boy, if indeed at all. First up is Poole.

Driving around Sandbanks - the really posh bit of the south coast and apparently some of the most expensive real estate on the planet - I can see why Harry Redknapp didn't take the Newcastle job. The north east is lovely, but on a beautiful sunny day the views across Poole Harbour are difficult to beat. Bizarrely, whilst driving around Poole Bay on such a crispy, clear and sunny winter's morning I'm somewhat reminded of Vancouver...

After a pootle around Poole - really strangely Poole High Street has a level crossing slap in the middle of it - and coffee and cake at the lovely LopLop Gallery Cafe, I head further around the coast. Unfortunately I can't go to the ghost village of Tyneham - well it is in the middle of a military firing range - but end up in Swanage.

There is something bittersweet about visiting coastal towns out of season. The delight of having the place almost to yourself on such a beautiful day is tempered by the thought that the place has seen better times. Swanage is a beautiful location and must have been amazing to have seen in its heyday when the train unloaded all the holidaymakers. It still retains a charm, but given you can fly across Europe for cheaper than a return train fare from London to Gatwick, it's fair to say that it's unlikely Swanage - like many once great seaside resorts - will see the glory days again.

Howard's Way?

Decide to head out of the city for a couple of days and down to a part of the country I've never been to before, the New Forest and East Dorset.

Potter around Lymington for a while and take in the delightful St Barbe Museum. It's the sort of wonderful local museum that small towns throughout the UK do so well - often supported by groups of hearty volunteers.

It's never going to be a glamorous uber-museum but it's a lovely, well kept small museum full of local history and I warmly recommend it should you ever find yourself in the area. There are also numerous coffee shops in which to refresh afterwards - one of the observations the museum makes is that there are now more coffee shops on Lymington High Street than pubs, a major social change of the past 10 years!

The area is obviously where significant parts of the UK yachting set head to - not a social strata I'm exactly familiar with. Hey I was brought up in Birmingham, not exactly a coastal area!

Head a bit further down the coast. A bracing stroll gives lovely views across to foreign parts - well, the Isle of Wight - and the Needles are clearly visible on the horizon. Continue down the coast and head to where I've booked to stay.

The Secret of Life...

... is a good cup of coffee.

Slightly unexpectedly I head off to The Borderline to see Gretchen Peters live. Doubt you will have heard of her - so the obtuse reference above to one of her songs is doubly pointless - but she is a Nashville singer songwriter and you may have heard one of her songs at some point.

The support act is Edwina Hayes an acoustic/folk singer songwriter from Yorkshire. She has a wonderful voice and a lovely sense of humour. "Most of my songs are pretty depressing. They're all about either unrequited love, falling for someone whose not interested or having a crush on someone", she says with a wonderful laugh.

Gretchen claims she is under the weather but she - along with her excellent keyboard player - deliver a wonderful set. Again there is a good use of humour between the songs. Overall a lovely concert highlighting the delightful talents of two excellent female singer songwriters.

End the night with friends watching a gripping Superbowl match. The Patriots - so near to the perfect season...

Eventually a long Sunday ends...

Mind the gap

Been a busy and full week. Various things happening at work which are requiring a bit of thought and judgement - always a challenge.

Have a visitor for a couple of nights so tried a bit of London culture on them. Heading over the Thames to the South Bank we get to see the wonderful view that London has to offer from one of several bridges - I've been in London for a number of years but seeing the view always still impresses.

We head to Tate Modern and admire the crack in the floor- Shibboleth. Is it art? Well if it is, then the UK motorway network must be the biggest piece of art installation in the world. The visitor seems intrigued by the crack - we head upstairs and see Henri Matisse's Snail but my visitor is less impressed.

I like it - it's one of my favourite pieces in the Tate. Guess it's just me and my 'fancy London ways'....

Website of the week

What's the best - chess or boxing?

Well, in the words of Harry Hill, "there's only one way to settle this...... fight!"

Welcome to the world of Chessboxing.

No Country For Old Men

Out hunting a man comes across a drug deal gone wrong - dead bodies everywhere - and finds a bag containing $2million. Conscience forces him to later return with water for a survivor. He is too late, but returning to the scene he is spotted by people wanting their money back. So begins the long hunt in the latest film from the Coen brothers.

This film has garnered virtually universal great reviews and is one of the leading Oscar contenders. It is beautifully shot, superbly acted - Tommy Lee Jones, Woody Harrelson and Kelly MacDonald are all excellent - and has the greatest haircut you've seen in a film for years. But...

I seem to be in the minority who like this film, think it has lots of fantastic components, but just feel it is a long way short of the master piece everyone else thinks it is. It is definitely not a bad film; it will deservedly win several Oscars (though overlooking Kelly MacDonald for a Best Supporting Actress nomination is almost scandalous) and apparently is a very faithful adaptation of the book. But for me it is a case of the sum being less than the parts.

Should you see it? Yes. Should you herald it as a masterpiece? I have my doubts - in short I preferred Fargo.

Website of the week

Set those books free and back into the wild - enjoy Bookcrossing.

Downs on the way up

On a last minute whim I headed off to the Blue Square Conference South table top clash of Lewes v Hampton and Richmond - first and third respectively. Both teams have, in the past couple of years, made good progress up the non-league ladder and both are now on the cusp of the Conference.

Lewes has a small, neat ground and even with grey January skies you can see beauty of the South Downs all around. The chalky soil obviously helps the drainage as the pitch was lovely and green, even after all the recent rain - a real credit to the club and a pitch many clubs in higher leagues would be proud of.

The game was a stop/start affair. A fussy referee meant that it often didn't flow and, even though the match was far from dirty, his refereeing led to several bookings and a sending off. I suspect he was being assessed. Hampton scored twice - after 6 minutes in each half - and Lewes rarely threatened to scored. Their solitary goal was in the 89th minute and was from a soft and fortunate penalty. Overall an interesting game rather than a crowd pleaser - Hampton looked professional and Lewes did not look the run away league leaders their currently are.

Fluffy

One of life's little pleasures is putting on a brand new pair of socks for the first time. Clean and fresh - lovely. Of course, a little pleasure often comes with a little pain - which brings me to the annoyance that is sock fluff.

When you take off that new pair for the first time, all sorts of bits of fluff are left. Whilst for many blokes picking debris from between their toes could no doubt develop into a minor hobby - for me I just find the whole thing incredibly annoying.

Why does it happen? Why is it only socks and not new T shirts or new trousers? Do women have the same problem with tights?

I know, it's incredible, blogging has reached a new level of pointless banality!

A moment of your time

At home. The phone rings.

"Hello. I'm conducting a survey about transport on behalf of Transport for London. Can I ask you a couple of questions?"

"OK, I can answer a couple of questions." (After all, I've just been crammed on an overcrowded tube train after a 15 minute wait for one I could actually get on.)

"It'll take about 10-15 minutes."

"Eh, that's more than a couple of questions then."

I hang up.

Charlie Wilson's War

I've not seen many films for a while but the start of the new year heralds several movie releases I'm eager to see - first up is Charlie Wilson's War.

Based on the true story of how an alcoholic, womanising Texan Congressman managed to covertly fund the Afghan's war against the Soviet invasion. Tom Hanks is excellent as the eponymous lead - the right mixture of likeability and sleaze - and Julia Roberts is on good form as rich communist hating Texan belle. However, the complete star of the film is the wonderful Phillip Seymour Hoffman as the CIA agent Gust.

Witty lines, a good script by the West Wing's Aaron Sorkin which wears its liberal heart on its sleeve, and the fascination that Charlie Wilson did actually exist, all make for a good film. The ending is not quite satisfying, but the movie whips along and if the other films of 2008 are like this, then we're in for a good year.

Walk in the woods

Time to remember that just a stone's throw away from the M25, and under the Heathrow flightpath, there is still rural England.

Oh yes..... and weekend retreats for the Chancellor...

Writers Bloc

Scott from Neighbours, Tiffany from Eastenders, Mike Baldwin from Corrie, the bloke from The Full Monty and, most bizarrely, Mrs McClusky from Grange Hill - you have to say that Moving Wallpaper/Echo Beach had some inspired casting.

Too early to say whether the new ITV series will work - and whatever you think of the general rubbish ITV put out, this is a brave piece of commissioning - but there seems to have been a glut of TV shows looking at writing and making TV shows.

Channel 4 had Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. With Aaron Sorkin and the West Wing team behind it - and the lovely Lucy Davis continuing to move away from "Dawn from The Office/Hayley from The Archers" territory - you feel it should have worked. Somehow it didn't, it just didn't gel and I wonder whether a similar fate awaits the Cornish based soap and the accompanying behind the scenes mockumentary.

The best show of this sort - and one of the best shows on TV at the moment - is 30 Rock on C5 late on Thursday nights. A witty, funny look behind the scenes of a Saturday Night Live type show, it has a cracking lead character in Liz Lemon - played by the superb writer/producer Tina Fey - and an amazing turn by Alec Baldwin as the company boss. Definitely worth watching.

It's a kettle

Got a new kettle for Christmas - oh yes, it's all luxury, excitement and glamour chez smittyonline. Noticed that it proudly comes with "Stealth Technology".

It's a kettle - I want to make a cup of tea with it, not invade another country.

Website of the week

For those of you who haven't yet taken down your Christmas lights - a warning.

It's a slippery slope, and before long you could end up here.

And a bit off the top?

After taking a stroll around a pretty part of north Surrey I wander down the high street of the nearby town. Someone is handing out flyers.

"Would you be interested in a discount at a local hairdressers?"

Now, admittedly it was dark, but really! And after yesterday's horoscope...

And your lucky colour is...

Reading the Metro on the way to work - it has a pretty decent film section on a Friday - I noticed my horoscope said,

"It’s only the fourth and you’re restless already. Organise something unusual. If you can’t manage that, change your hairstyle."

Not entirely useful for me then...

Clippety Clop

Walking to the tube station tonight a couple of mounted policemen trotted by. Noticed that on their boots/stirrups they had the little red flashing lights so beloved of cyclists - made me smile.

Didn't notice if they had headlights though...

Jumpers for goalposts

Prior to the Aldershot v Woking game there was a short service to remember not only Phil O'Donnell, the Motherwell FC captain who died at the weekend (see here), but two people linked with Aldershot Town - director Paul Muddell and former player Gordon Henry. Conducted by the club chaplain, the service was a poignant moment, and the minute's silence was impeccably observed by everyone in the crowd of 4,728. There is something powerful about a minute's silence at a football ground - today even more so.

I'd gone to the game because I want to see more live football in 2008. For me there is something special, something real about the non-league game, and the nearest match of interest was Aldershot v Woking. Football in Aldershot has a fascinating history as the original club went bust back in 1992 and a new club was formed. It has been working its way up the non-league pyramid ever since and now finds itself on the brink of a return to league football as it is currently atop the Blue Square Premier Conference.

The ground is a throw back to the past, sandwiched as it is between the railway line and a 1950s style office block. It has four small stands, all tight to the pitch, and with a bank holiday local derby crowd, the ground was comfortably full. It's an earthy ground - hot chocolate could be purchased from a food van for 80p and the experience is one of real football, a world away from the monied glamour of the sanitised Premiership.

The match was fine - both teams play a good passing game. Aldershot scored twice in the first half but Woking scored one early in the second making it an open and nicely poised match - an excellent advert for the non league game. In the end Aldershot showed why they are top of the league and deservedly held the 2-1 lead. A return to the league game seems on the cards - and given what the club has been through in the past 20 years, and the quality of football they play, you can't begrudge them it.

Overall a very pleasant start to 2008 - who knows, watching more live football may be a 'resolution' that can be kept!

This year I resolve...

Well, last year's didn't go exactly to plan.

I'll have to wait for the official 2007 listing to come out, but I suspct that once again, for some completely inexplicable reason, I have probably failed to become one of the 10 sexiest men in the world. I mean, really, what has Jonny Depp got? Okay, apart from great looks... a good sense of humour... a sucessful Hollywood career... a lovely family life in France... great reviews for his upcoming Sweeney Tood movie. I mean *apart* from all that?.?.?

Anyway.... those resolutions I may have made for 2008 have probably been broken already...

However your 2008 resolutions are going, I wish you all a very happy and lovely 2008.