F**k Wembley

"...so this was supposed to be the first date, but is the second....was supposed to be at Wembley, but is at Milton Keynes...thank you so much for being here...just goes to show you don't need an arch to have a good time...", said Jon Bon Jovi. When the 'F**k Wembley' sign held up by a fan appeared on the big screen it got a massive cheer - venue was unimportant, they were here to have fun. What had I let myself in for??

Answer - a really good day. A day spent with friends in glorious weather with a good concert. Support was 'the best unsigned band in England' (who were OK) and Nickelback - who were good and I even recognised one of their songs. Then came Bon Jovi...

It's never been trendy to like Bon Jovi - easy to sneer at them and their big hair. But is it fair? Yes their songs are fairly simple, but are they really that different from Springstein, John Mellencamp or Tom Petty??? What you get is a great show - they played for over 2 & half hours belting out all their classics and the crowd sang along. You are surprised how many of their songs you actually know - yes I even joined in on Living on a Prayer - it's difficult not to!

Does this mean now I'm a fan? Not especially - I still think his finest work was probably in Ally McBeal - and I'm not going to buy their CDs. But you have to admire that they've been around over 20 years, sell out their gigs (to a surprisingly young crowd) and still deliver. They come across as a group of nice guys who enjoy playing music turned all the way up to 11 and can work a crowd. Their fans love them and are going to have a blast and a mass singalong.

They may never be cutting edge or trendy - but they are hard to dislike.

Going out for an English

The World Cup is upon us - let's reflect on being English...

Being English is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American Shows on a Japanese TV.

Only in England... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in England... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in England...can 3 days of sun and temperatures of 25C be considered a heatwave...and bring public transport to a standstill.

Only in England... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in England... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in England... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in England...can 3" of snow and temperatures of -1C be considered an arctic blizzard...and bring public transport to a standstill.

Only in England... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in England... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in England... can you have the wettest May for 27 years, and a drought order.

All together, "And did those feet, in ancient time..."

Remember, continental Europeans have sex lives, the English have hot water bottles.

Unfortunately little of the above was orginally written by me - but my, does it get your heart racing....

Website of the week - #4

Want to know more about your inner self?

Not convinced by the Belbin team roles or the Myers-Brigg test?

Discover the real you - take the Muppets Personality Test!

Spare ticket syndrome strikes again.

I once again fulfilled my role as the go to guy if you have a spare ticket - I seem to be a one person real-life lastminute.com. You do get to see fairly random events when struck by spare ticket syndrome and yesterday I - along with seemingly most of the Aussie, Kiwi, Springbok, Fijian and Kenyan population of west London - ended up at Twickenham for day 1 of the IRB London 7s.

Highlight was Kenya beating Australia, but this just riled up the Aussies who took revenge by beating England in the final game of day one...

A ... of ...

Read something where the writer referred to 'a sponge of wine hacks.' I love the idea of a sponge as a collective noun. Got me thinking of some...

...a bore of accountants...
...an angst of writers...
...a tradegy of mime artists...

Brief but beautiful...

How did the party go in Portman Square?
I cannot tell you; Juliet was not there.

And how did Lady Gaster's party go?
Juliet was next me and I do not know.

Juliet - Hilaire Belloc

...a polar bear walks into a bar...

Blogging can be semi-funny, semi-detached and semi-interesting. It can also be a bit weird (as noted here). How open and honest can you be? Well my blog has been a tad semi-confessional - and hear comes another...

I'm having lessons on how to be funny - it's truly amazing what you can take evening classes in! As with many slightly daft ideas it started in a pub. Last December someone asked me "when are you going to try stand up comedy?" Now admittedly he'd had a couple of halves of shandy, but it seemed a genuine question. My response, "I lack two things - material and stage presence..." Conversation nipped in bud.

But it got me thinking and in Dec/Jan I had a look to see if you could perhaps learn or dabble in this. Found a couple of courses - one entitled "Finding your funny bone" and another which described itself as "just the course for those who make their friends laugh." Well, spring was a bit busy so I couldn't commit - I bottled it - but I had another look before Easter.

I wasn't sure stand up was for me but was tempted to dip my toe in the waters of comedy. So, a few weeks ago I started a low key introduction to writing comedy course - a bit on stand up, a bit on sketches and hopefully a bit on sitcom. Interesting... as I suspected being a smart ass and making the odd quick witted comment is very different to starting with a blank piece of paper.

Will anything come from this?? Doubtful, but I've managed to raise the odd laugh and it's definitely an experience...

Website of the week - #3

Are you fed up with lenghty movie reviews? Can you just not be bothered to wade through what Derek Malcolm or Mark Kermode thought of the latest releases? Is even Sleazy Kid from Movie Lounge on C5 a little too highbrow?

What you need is The Four Word Film Review.

You can even submit your own...

As one chapter closes...

On Friday the sale of my parents’ house was completed. As it was the final major thing to sort out from last year I was expecting a sense of relief. Have to admit that it has been different than I imagined; not a sudden flood of relief, but gradually over the bank holiday weekend I’ve felt a burden lifting. I’m not one for therapy speak - much more “a good talking to and pull yourself together” type - but the idea of 'closure', or more accurately little episodes of 'closure', is one I’m more open to following the last year.

Looking back over the past 12 months there is a paradox. On one level everything has changed; I finished studying, I moved flat, others have moved, Mum’s moved (twice!), the house I grew up in has been sold - about the only ‘most stressful’ thing I haven’t done is get divorced! Yet on another level little has changed and it is only now I’m able to unfreeze and embark on many things I was intending on doing last year - getting to know where I live, plan a holiday, work on friendships. Over the weekend I’ve had a growing sense of one chapter closing; but also one of excitement as the next chapter starts!

Friday evening - although I was in a bit of a funny mood and doubt I was the best of company (I put Coldplay on for the drive back - say no more!!) - it was lovely to spend some time catching up with friends. A nice few hours of detox and refreshment and a good opening to the next chapter.

From high to low

Having spent the best part of two days in bed - and not in a good way - yesterday was back to work and a bulging inbox - remember work before email.?.?. Fortunately the day was rescued by a fantastic concert at the Barbican where the Hertfordshire Chorus sang 5 Negro Spirituals (Tippett) , the Chichester Psalms (Bernstein) and various bits from Porgy and Bess (Gershwin) - wonderful.

I have admit I love the Barbican. It's just so slightly weird - in reality an upmarket council estate that happens to have a fantastic arts centre as its community centre. And the events at the Barbican are so eclectic - in past few months I've been to a graduation, a very camp Christmas show and the above concert - not to mention used the fantastic cinemas. I'd love to live there.

Anyway, just to prove that I'm not as highbrow as I make out, the next concert I'm going to will be turning it up to 11 as it's Bon Jovi. Don't ask...... it was supposed to be the first concert at the new Wembley. Apparently though they've still got the builders in so it's now moved to 'The National Bowl' @ Milton Keynes.

I noticed the posters say 'the same as Wembley, only different'. Well that's certainly one way to look at it...

Thought for the day

"Dance your cares away,
Worry's for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock."

...wise words...

Green with....

I'm a big fan of Green Wing - see here.

Surely I'm not the only one disappointed by the end of series 2.

Debbie Aldridge going off with???

Really?!?! No!!

Website of the week - #2

Are your friends just not glamourous enough? Do you wish your parties had that little bit extra - maybe D list celebrity would enliven it?

What you need is a lookalike! Make that party something your friends will always talk about by inviting....

...Ant & Dec...

...Hyacinth Bucket...

...Bin Laden...

Words

...smattering of applause...

I love this phrase - just sums up what the audience is trying to get across

Long lost sisters

Catching up with various tat I'd recorded on DVD the other day I couldn't help but think that the lovely Summer from The OC, and the even lovelier Kirstie Allsop from Location, Location Location (mmhh - Kirstie Allsop...) could be long lost sisters. Or at least that Summer knows what she will look like in 5-10 years....

Friday night is ??? night

Another wild evening - was at a local church helping to count the money received for Christian Aid week. Seemed to be me and half a dozen pensioners.

Still, on the positive side I got called 'young man' a fair bit - an increasingly rare occurrence - and had plenty of tea and chocolate digestives.....

"Should I stay or should I go..."

Incredibly I've had the lease of my current flat for 10.5 months and the agents have asked do I want to stay here; sign up for another year?

Thought about it a bit. Was very tempted to write of the past year, move out and start over somewhere else in London - a clean slate. I'll admit that if I could live anywhere in London I'd love to live right in the centre (Pimlico/Southbank/City/Barbican) but unless I double my salary, or find a lender dumb enough to front me 10x my salary, it ain't going to happen.

Where I'm currently based would be second choice - easy to get into London and easy to get out into the country. It 'ticks a lot of boxes' and has a nice vibe to the place. As someone said, I need to give it a 'normal' year (whatever that is!).

Moving on was tempting, but it would also negate the good stuff that has happened, and there have been some good moments so let's not lose those. I'm beginning to get to know the area and a few people - it all takes time and its only really been the past 3 months that I've been able to work at this.

Plus why would I move - to try to escape my neuroses? I know, who'd have thought I've neuroses...... Rather than escape them, they tend to follow!!

Guess West London has me for a another year... Who knows, when I've been here a year I might get round to finish unpacking all the boxes or even have some sort of flatwarming thing...

Heaven, Purgatory and Hell

Friday - Heaven

I was the beneficiary of spare ticket syndrome last Friday and ended up at the Lords test match. Great venue, good company, enthralling day's play. Evening spent catching up with a friend - a good day.

Saturday afternoon - Purgatory

Thought 'when was there a decent FA Cup Final match in the past few years?' Decided to skip it and go and watch Harlequins RL v. Bradford Bulls in a Super League match. Quins were painfully bad, a one sided match and I missed a cracking FA Cup Final. A lesson here somewhere??

Saturday evening/Sunday afternoon - Hell

Have discovered hell on earth - aka IKEA Croydon on a Saturday night. Went to feed my addiction to Swedish flat packed furniture, especially bookcases. Spent Sunday afternoon putting them together...

I know, I know - Saturday evening spent in IKEA - the sign of someone who needs a better social life, a wider circle of friends or a decent hobby. As I've said before - beyond parody ;o)

Website of the Week - # 1

Women are you worried that this summer's fashions are too revealing? Some days do you just feel that you want something more practical - something which doesn't detract from your inner beauty?

What you need is Modest Apparel USA.

The search for that Party Dress is finally over!

A gradual return

Thanks for all the comments and feedback.

This blog has evolved in a slightly different way to what I intended when I started it 6 months ago and I expect it will continue to evolve. Got some ideas and we'll see how it goes.

Just to reiterate - this blog is semi anonymous (my name doesn't appear) and no names or even initials will appear. I can't afford to lose the friends I have!

Couldn't resist this...

In today's Metro there is an article (see here) saying that some Japanese research has discovered that kissing can help ease hayfever.

...I suffer quite badly from hayfever...

...I'm willing to try complementary and alternative medicines...

...now if...

Things that make you go mmhh.....

...just went to vote...

...one of my votes (I could have up to 3 ??) went to the Green Party...

...got back in my car (diesel) and drove home...

Quick update

Thanks for those who have commented or emailed about the blog - all gratefully received.

Currently me and the blog are 'on a break' - I'm seeing other blogs etc.

Got various things 'on the go' (and on my mind) at the moment and ideally need to sort a couple of things out over the next week/10 days, so still contemplating whether to return to blogging - will let you know in the next week or so.

Still open to thoughts etc. - though not that one as I don't think it's physically possible.

Will update soon.

To all Simon Cowell wannabes....

When I started this blog back in November I emailed several people who I thought might be interested, or who at least wouldn’t disown me. I said it would be an experiment and after about six months there would be a sort of Pop Idol type feedback time. Now is that moment, so slip into your high waisted Simon Cowell style trousers and let me know what you think.

For what it’s worth here is my two cents worth...
..I’ve enjoyed writing it - I said I’d update it about 3 times a week and on the whole I have..
..It’s evolved differently than I thought. Less funnies and probably been more melancholy than I intended. Most people who try/want to be funny have a ‘darker’ side - the whole ‘tears of a clown thing’(?) - so perhaps not a shock. If I continue I’d definitely try to up the funny quotient..
..It’s been interesting to discover what some people have read into what I’ve written. For example, some felt the 14th Feb entry was quite hard on myself which was far from my intention. With a blog being written it’s more difficult to time the pause, change the 'tone' of my voice or raise the eyebrow as I might if I was ’performing’ it - I have to work on how I convey things better..
..I’ve probably been more open/honest than I first thought. Other than the known deleted post everything remains in all its glory. I hope that I’ve neither been too shocking or offended people - definitely not my intention and if I have I apologise..
..I wish I'd put a web counter on from start. More people read this than I ever thought would - and huge thanks to those who have emailed or talked to me about it - but I'd have been interested to see how many I've lost/gained over the past few months..

To tempt (?) you I’ve already got thoughts on the next stage..
..the blog will be redesigned - different layout and I might even have worked out how to upload photos..
..I’ll up the funny quotient - with the aim of restoring some ‘life’ into my work/life balance I’m embarking on a couple of new things (one of you guessed very accurately about one of them and thanks for your feedback & encouragement - invaluable). If nothing else they will give plenty of ‘embarrassing story’ potential..
..I’ll try to uncover more strange stuff on the interweb. As a taster, this (bad dates) is a website you really don’t want to feature in (warning - some of it is quite rude, but there is lots of less rude but very funny stuff)..

Let me know your thoughts - comments can be left anonymously (if I’ve set it up right) or you can email me direct at smittyonline@hotmail.com.

What would Simon say?? So, is this it? You decide!!

It's the thought that counts

I enjoy giving presents - enjoy trying to find things to give people, things I think they might like or raise a smile. It's fair to say that I perhaps have a slightly eclectic slant on the types of presents I give. Indeed some of you reading this have been the lucky recipients/poor souls who have received various annuals, strange CDs, mountain horns or cow bells - if it's a 'landmark' birthday or I'm returning from holiday, beware.

Last week I went down to Salisbury and Stonehenge for the day - never been there so thought I'd give it a whirl. Confession time - I like stone circles and 'henges'. I think they are fascinating and the best bit about them is their apparent pointlessness. What were they for? Religious ceremonies? Bizarre ancient sports? Early attempts at community theatre? Or are they there to act as landing site guides for the arrival of UFOs?? Who knows??

Have to say Stonehenge was very disappointing both in terms of its scale and the 'experience'; Avebury is much better as you can get up close and hug the henge. However, the gift shop was a marvelous collection of expensive tat and kitsch - so many temptations for me to buy stuff as gifts and particularly tempted by the Stonehenge snowglobe, but felt £9.99 was a tad steep.

Then went to Salisbury Cathedral. Was interesting being stuck behind a group of French teenagers being taking around with a very British 'blue rinse' cathedral guide outlining the delights to them (in French). How disappointed must they have been? You're 15, you're off to England with your friends - where do you end up? Going around a 13th century cathedral in rural England behind a woman of 'certain years'; like you don't have 13th century cathedrals in France.

However, just as English Heritage giftshops can be a wonderful source of my 'unique' presents - so can cathedral shops. Salisbury was no exception as it had the usual collection of Celtic crosses, bizarre teatowels and strange fudge & clotted cream. What really interested me was that in their book section, amongst the usual collection of Bibles and writings by CS Lewis and the Archbishop of Canterbury, there were the biographies of Eric Sykes, Billy Connolly, Frankie Howerd and, if I recall correctly, Les Dawson! Truly wonderful and very British.

Then the other day I came across this - if only I'd seen it a few months ago this could have made an excellent present for a couple of people. From there I then also discovered that the Mandy Annual is still going strong. I know, I'm showing far too much knowledge here - but I love the idea of calling mags for girls Jackie and Mandy. What would the equivalent be for boys - Brain and Dave??


tangent/ tonight as a young(ish) intelligent and cultural person was I off out to a meal with friends and sophisticated conversation, a trip to the theatre, maybe a gallery? No, I went and bought a new vacuum cleaner. Sometimes my life is beyond parody :o) /end tangent

May the force be with you

OK - I know this isn't partcularly new, but I came upon this page today.

See how strong the force is in the area you live (click here).

And you can find out more useful information about where you live (click here).

It's websites like this that make the internet such a wonderful thing.

You know you're unfit when......

...... the most intense aerobic exercise you've done recently was changing the sheets and duvet cover.... and you needed a rest.....

.... is it just my mind or does that sound like slang for something else?

.... just me then.....

Wonky and Restless

Got my second pair of glasses and, as is usually the irony in these situations, the 'spare' pair probably look better and certainly feel more comfortable than my expensive sexy pair.

Have to admit that I find choosing specs quite difficult. Glasses are your most personal piece of clothing - you wear them all the time, they frame your face, they can enhance or hide your eyes (your windows to your soul), and, importantly, they can make your face look fatter or thinner.

The worst moment is when you try on the new pair, look in the mirror and see your new specs sitting lopsidedly on your face. You hope that the specs are slightly wrong, but then the truth dawns - you have a wonky face. You and the assistant then grapple with the frames for 10mins desperately trying to hid this fact and at least make your specs appear to sit straight. Then later, you take them off in a meeting, place them on the table and somebody looks at them, "your glasses don't seem right, are they damaged?"...... Pause... "The glasses are fine, it's me face that's wonky."

Leads to the old joke, "why is his nickname Isaiah? Because one eye is higher than the other" (thank you very much, I'm here all week). Vanity, vanity, all is vanity.

Current mood is restless.

Even More Random Stuff

You know you're unfit when you're out of breath from pumping up the tyres on the bike before you even start to cycle....... Though did manage to cycle about 20 miles without medical intervention, which was encouraging. Even cycled a little bit 'no handed' and thought to myself 'still got it', which was very sad.

Is there a self help book for people addicted to self help books?? What would you call it??
... Taking a Taxi Along the Road Less Travelled...
... Put the Drum Down, Back Away From the Beat...
... Learn to Love Being A Woman Who Loves Too Much...

Who are they?? Exactly.

I have just witnessed history. Today I was at the match which saw Accrington Stanley return to the Football League. If you are a football fan your heart should miss a beat.

If you're not a football fan you've probably heard of Accrington Stanley for one of two reasons - they infamously left the Football League in 1962 due to bankruptcy, and they 'starred' in a milk ad in the 80s.

Their fans had travelled down to Woking and were in amazing voice - one even had an old wooden football rattle that I didn't think existed outside Pathe newsreel film. There was a dodgy penalty decision - the penalty was then saved, retaken and saved again. All we needed was a old bald bloke with no teeth wearing a flat cap and welling up with emotion at his clubs long desired return to league football and we could have had ever football nostalgia cliche going.......

Tangent/ It may be I notice this more as I get older but the linesman (sod this assistant referee rubbish) looked about 12 and didn't appear to have started shaving yet. Seriously, I wouldn't have served him a pub...... /end of 'grumpy old bloke' tangent.

More Random Stuff

In yesterday's Independent there was an article on Lifestyle Quotient (LQ - see here). Perhaps foolishly I gave it a go. Confirmed what I feared - my result;

"LQ? What LQ? You're just a pair of ill-fitting tracksuit bottoms away from being beyond help! Vicky Pollard is a TV character, not a style inspiration. Get out more often, and that doesn't include the local kebab house. Your life's a cultural desert; take a trip to the theatre or even a gallery."

But I go to theatres and galleries - guess I either need more gadgets or beauty treatments.....

Tangent - noticed the local shopping centre had a chocolate fountain today. People queuing up to get marshmallows or fruit dipped in the fountain. I was shocked. Not only did it not look that appetising, but to defile chocolate with pieces of fruit........ wasteful......

Take The High Road

One good thing to come of irregular sleeping is you discover radio programmes you never normally come across. This past Saturday was one example.

Waking up about 5.40am flicked on the radio to discover a delightful programme on The Animals' VC - poochies getting gongs for valour and bravery (look here). A fantastic 15 minute programme.

After that was Open Country. I'd come across this before and quite why Radio 4 bury it away at 6am on Saturday I've no idea. This edition fascinated me a bit more because it was about Iona (see here) and twice in the past week I'd been asked "Are you going to Iona?"

This question is not quite as random as first sounds as at the end of May there is the Greenbelt Iona week. I'm not going for purely practical reasons - the main one being that I love Scotland, would love to go, but would want to combine it with another week or two seeing other parts of that beautiful country, particularly I'd like to go back to the highlands and islands - stunning. Getting 2/3 weeks off work at that time of year is pretty much a non-starter so, unfortunately, I'll miss out on Iona this time. Hopefully later in the year I can rectify that; it won't be the same and listening to the programme early on Sat morning just gave me a tinge of regret.

For those who are going, have a listen - it's repeated on Radio Four, this Thursday, 1.30pm or can listened to via the weblink above.

HBTM

Today is my birthday. I thought I'd include an entry from the greatest diarist of our generation when they reached the same age.

"My birthday. I am thirty five today. I am officially middle-aged. It is all downhill from now. A pathetic slide towards gum disease, wheelchair ramps and death." Adrian Mole - Wednesday 2nd April, 2003

I'm guessing he's more a glass half empty man?? Plus he had the distraction of flirty text messages with a beautiful woman based on Mr Kipling's cakes. No, I'm not making that up - read the last diary - you'll never look at a french fancy or a slice of battenburg in the same way!

Today's been good - I've spent an almost obscene amount of money on a new pair of sexy specs (there is an irony in getting your eyetest done on your birthday), I've tried something new (went to a beauty shop - it involved wax - let's draw a veil there....), I've already had some excellent cards and presents, and meeting up with old friends for a meal tomorrow.

One present was a lovely pink tie - beginning to wonder just how much pink I carry off......

Not too bad.?.?.?

Experiment over. Hope the post wasn't too dull, too long or too shocking.

Thanks for all who've emailed - all much appreciated.

'Normal' blog service resumes - now.

Work it baby?

Once again, last night after a regular monthly evening meeting I just felt too knackered to join people in the pub. This is becoming a bad habit - always turn up with the good intention of being more social, but as the evening goes on - and with it being a Monday as well - I just feel my energy levels disappear and once again, disappointingly for me, call it an earlyish night.

Guessing my cunning plan of perking up my energy with a mix of KitKats and bananas might need a revisit! Hopefully a few days off at Easter will help but apparently exercise can boost the energy levels, though that sounds a tad radical. However came across this on the interweb;

"Poledancing for fitness - Catch on to the trend that has now exploded with celebrities like Pamela Anderson, Sadie Frost and Pink endorsing it as a great way to keep fit, get toned and build confidence..."

Fitness, toning and confidence - all areas I could work on. Perhaps this could be the answer? Then again me 'shaking my moneymaker' perhaps doesn't bear thinking about...

Feel I ought to point out that I don't sit around googling 'poledancing' - I stumbled upon the above by accident. No, honestly..... seriously.... please believe me....

Look it was here - just above how to beat the hosepipe ban. Not even I would make that up....

Fuzzy Reception

Sometimes I just know that I'm on a completely different wavelength to others. The morning service at church highlighted it again.

At one point the person leading the service said, "and now just speak out loud to God what's on your mind." I just wanted to say,"why?....... why?........ why?............... Delilah."

Later a clip from the Passion of the Christ was shown. Fear not, it was the children's version - less gore and no Aramaic - a cartoon version. The clip was Judas making his deal to betray Jesus. As he picked up his 30 pieces of silver and walked out the room the soundtrack burst into song,

"Hey Judas, what's it all about?
Now you've gone and sold everybody out.
Hey Judas, you dirty, evil crook.
That's what will be written 'bout you in every history book."

Unbelievable and absolutely hilarious - you'd never come up with a spoof as nearly as funny as that; if only it were one.

Jumpers for Goalposts

There is something uniquely British about going to a non-league football match - suppose the nearest equivalent is probably high school 'football' in small town USA.

At the last minute went to a Conference match yesterday and it had all the non-league essentials;
...you could get bovril with your hot dog...
...a minute's silence at the start of the match - not for a famous star but for the 'Fixtures Secretary' of the club who'd died that week - a nice touch I felt...
...the assistant referee going off injured after 30mins and the PA announcement that if there is a "FA County qualified official in the ground could they make themselves know to stand in as the fourth official"...
...a group of screaming schoolchildren celebrating a 7 year old's birthday...
...the match sponsor was the local fish and chip shop...
...in the programme there was one page which contained adverts for a local restaurant in an 'idyllic setting', a wedding photographer, and the local funeral directors...

An excellent way to spend a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon. Even had the bonus of during the warm up the goalkeeper rugby tackling the club mascot - which the 7 year olds loved. Unfortunately the mascots head fell off - this, I felt, let daylight in upon magic.

Waiting is Over

It's back - tonight 9pm C4. Green Wing - the stylish, surreal, funny and often incredibly rude version of Casualty on a bad acid trip is back. Enjoy.

With free Debbie Aldridge!

If At First You Don't Succeed......

Vanity Fair, Bonfire of the Vanities, War and Peace - the common link?

I've started all of these books on several occasions and then just given up - I've started War & Peace at least 4 times, get a couple of hundred pages in and then....

Another book for me in this category is The Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peck. I've had a copy for at least 10 years and have started it numerous times. So 'as a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly'.

The first three words in the book are 'Life is difficult' - an interesting start.

The second page says 'most of us are mentally ill to a greater or lesser degree' - I knew it!

Reading chapter 6 leads me to conclude that I'm neurotic - I can almost hear some of you going 'well, duh!!'

So far I've carried on and got to the stuff on being honest and open. Interesting. I consider myself very honest - I'm a useless liar and if asked a straight question will give an honest answer. However, openness is different. I'm a private person - remember this blog doesn't contain my name. If asked, for example, 'what is the creative course you're considering doing', if I don't particular feel ready to share that I won't lie, but I will say that's private (at least for now) - there's the distinction for me - I'm honest, but not prepared to be that open, yet.

There is a good side to this; people know that I'm discreet and that if they share something private or in confidence it will stay that way - an important quality I feel. However, bearing that in mind and always respecting confidences, I know that I ought to be more open and have been working on it in 2006; indeed to some extent this blog is part of that.

My birthday is coming up soon so, as is my manner, I'm being a little reflective on various things - looking back at the past year and forward to the next. As part of this I'm going to do an experiment. Next Weds evening I'll be doing a very reflective, but also a very honest and open post about the past year and looking ahead. The post will be probably be the longest I've done. I'm sure parts will be very dull but it will also contain some stuff which will be quite personal. The posting will also only be around until Friday lunchtime - mainly because I think it will be far too long, but also because it will contain some deeper stuff/surprises and my aim is that the bulk of this blog should be light and frothy. Plus, it's an experiment - time limited openness!

Now you're all thinking 'what is he going to write?'

And no, it's not that!

A Real ID Ten T

This morning on the train bloke sat opposite me and got his mobile phone out. Immediately my heart sinks.

"Hello. This is Mike. I'm on the train. Have just dropped the little one off at nursery. I've got nothing to add and I'll be on mute all day."

So, he phoned up someone to say he had nothing say? What the hell did that add to the sum of human knowledge?

Then again what did this post?

Still - was good to vent.

Custard and Pudding

Last night I went to - according to the Independent's listing mag on Saturday - the third best gig in London this week - Sigur Ros. Yep, I'm *that* trendy I needed some Icelandic rock. The preview said,

"The other worldly Icelandic dreamscape quartet touch down again on the back of their nape teasing Takk..... album, which pours the custard of joyous chorales all over their tasty prog and post rock flavoured soundscape puddings. Yum."

All I could think was... mmmh....custard ......puddings.

So, how was it? Have to admit I did have a brief thought that it was a touch of the emperor's new clothes, for example,
....there was a lot of use of xylophones and a brass ompah bit....
....the drum intro to one track made me want to start singing Vienna by Ultravox....
....the start of several tracks did sound like they would be good on adverts - I half expected to hear Joss Ackland/Robert Powell say something like, "the waiting is over, now is the time, there is a new type of diesel"....well, it worked for Moby....

However, it was thoroughly enjoyable evening. It really got me thinking/reflecting and generally my mind was a bit hyperactive afterwards - got very little sleep last night as my thoughts were racing.

A great gig and great company - I even managed to have a couple of pints and not start confessing to all sorts of things. Mind you, after another who knows? Would have probably been admitting to lots of stuff.....

Was no pudding or custard though......

More Random Stuff

Have a look at this. I actually know this person and he has given me, I believe the young people are calling it, 'a shoutout' on his developing blog. Am I happy to know him - hell yeah, how many Leo Sayer lookalikes do you know?

Am currently debating doing some sort of 'creative' evening class from April. Not saying anything else as I think it could be the dumbest thing I've attempted - it was 'inspired' back in December in a pub conversation, and I've already said too much.

The more observant may have noticed that I've 'bravely' added a web counter to this blog. Should have done it from the start but I'm only just getting into my geek tendencies. Could be interesting - have already discovered I'm not the only one reading this! Bless you all.

More Babies on Board

I've already shared my view about what I think about Baby on Board signs in cars - see Feb 12th.

Now I see we have this - a Baby on Board badge for expectant mothers on public transport. I actually think this is a good idea - if nothing else it will prevent the situation Jimmy Carr so wonderfully describes;

"I don't give up my seat for pregnant women - I think it's better to see a pregnant woman stand, than a fat girl sitting down crying"

The 'Plus Guest' Dilemma

Also known as 'spare ticket syndrome'. I've often been the recipient of the spare ticket - occasionally at the 11th hour and even with the phrase, "you're not the first person I've tried". Perhaps surprisingly, this actually doesn't bother me in the slightest as I've got to see events which I would never have otherwise seen - it's one of the advantages of being single. (I think the other is being able to eat chocolate hob-nobs in bed without complaints from your partner.)

However, sometimes I get the 'plus guest' invite - such as the Tate stuff the other week - and from the 'other side' it can be a different story. As I don't have a spouse/ partner/ significant other/ soulmate/ latest fling (delete where applicable), the 'obvious' choice is not there. Similarly, I might know a couple who would like to go, but that's more than 'plus one'. Issue then becomes can I find someone who I'd like to take along, who would enjoy it, and, importantly, agree to go with me?

I admit it is not always easy - people already have lives! If I can't find a plus one, then do I still go to the event as a billy no mates/strong, confidant, and eligible man about town?? (again, delete where applicable) I also think that metropolitan female singletons have a slight advantage here as they can often call upon 'their gay male friend'.

I did find people to go to both Tate events - admittedly after a couple of declinations - and on both occasions it was enjoyable and great to catch up with people. However, it has highlighted that at certain times, as Marvin Gaye sang, 'it takes two'.

Then again he also sang 'the world is just a great big onion' so what the hell did he know........

The Therapy of Retail

Another pottering weekend (note to self - is this now a rut?). Ended up doing a little retail therapy. Was very interesting on Saturday afternoon around the shops. There were lots of fed up Dads dragging their bored offspring around saying,

"What do you think Mum would like......... other than chocolates or flowers."

I heard these exact words more than once!

Smell The Bull

Was in a 2 hour meeting this morning. I did wonder whether it was a spoof but the following phrases were used in all seriousness;

"..we need a service oriented architecture....there are 2 threads, orchestration and choreography..."
"...we're moving from a solutions based approach to a business benefits approach..."
"...need to move from the shrink wrapped technology view of the world..."
"...glue it to functionality..."
"...pigs can swim..."
"...bringing in the bubbles..."
"...out of silos..."
"...lozenges not bubbles..."
"...we've identified strands not the bubbles..."

I mean I can talk management speak with the best of them - and, perhaps embarrassingly, have the qualifications to prove it - but what the hell was all that about!

A Grand Day Out

Been reading B**llocks to Alton Towers: Uncommonly British Days Out. It was published last year as a sort of stockingfiller/funny book and has now come out in paperback.

It's a celebration of wonderfully eccentric British tourist spots, including such delights as the British Lawnmower Museum, Morpeth Bagpipe Museum and Gnome Magic. A funny read and one written with affection rather than snobbery or sneering.

However, what's surprised me is that I've already been to half a dozen of the places listed - not sure what that says about me..... Have to admit that last year I did enjoy the delicious irony of following large tourist signposts saying "Secret Nuclear Bunker" across rural Essex. The Kelvedon Nuclear Bunker is a very 'British Day Out' and well worth a visit. This book celebrates another 40 such places - a great 'train read'.

Horrible Thoughts??

Walking through Waterloo Station the advert headline for the Evening Standard vendors was "Terrorist plot to blow up Bluewater." I thought, well..... if there were no workers, shoppers or animals injured...... If it was Lakeside......

Self indulgently typed "smittyonline" into Google. Bit of shock to be honest - blimey Google's clever. Does ask if I meant 'smithkline' though..........

Overheard

Last night walking back from the station a young woman walking behind me said loudly in to her mobile phone,

"...and when I got home I found Bessie had pissed and crapped in the washing basket."

I really hope Bessie is a dog or cat - else she sounds like the flatmate from hell.

Random Stuff - You Have Been Warned...

Been a very quiet weekend - one of pottering and doing very little - a full resident of Llareggub. Good to do very little once in a while - but have a doubt. Am I'm missing out on the fun and sophistication I imagine everyone else must be having, and where was my invite??

Anyway, a quiet weekend means time to think - always a worry ;o) Here are some of my random thoughts etc. from the past few days;

...the Weds post was entitled 'to sleep; perchance to dream'. Spookily I had a dream that very night, and I rarely dream. Am I going to share it with you - hell no!!

...on the train each day I go past The Huge Cheese Company (London) Limited - it passes the Ronseal test but are there approved sizes of cheese? Is huge smaller or larger than massive? Do Wallace and Grommit know? Where do gigantic cheeses fit in?

...came across a greyhound rescue charity shop in a small village in Surrey. How many greyhounds are there in Surrey? Of this small (?) amount, how many need rescuing? Or am I just really ignorant?...

...put on my plain 'hoodie' (which I hardly wear) today. Just as women over a certain age should stop wearing miniskirts, and men over 20 shouldn't wear leather trousers (though I feel these are rarely ever a good idea), at what age does a hooded top cease to be viable? Unless it's a cagoule...

...noticed on the church weekly newsletter that my name and details were there as an update - bit of a surprise, guess this means they sort of vaguely accept me?? Noticed that they got the details wrong though...

...saw Good Night and Good Luck. Excellent film - Doug Ross hasn't half come on a long way...

But Is It Art??

I’m a Friend of the Tate - wouldn’t say it was a deep friendship but about 5/6 times a year I (plus guest) get to go to an evening viewing of their latest exhibition. It can be a thoroughly enjoyable evening; the Degas and Stanley Spencer exhibition viewings particularly stick in my mind as they had the right combination of exhibition, guest and people watching.

This past Tuesday evening was the Albers & Moholy-Nagy exhibition at Tate Modern. I’d heard of neither but the art was the stuff I like - quite modernist, stuff I’d like in my flat. Modernist art does have tendency to take itself a bit seriously. For example, the description in Room 11 starts, “Colour had been dropped from the Bauhaus [a German arts school] curriculum in 1928”. How does an arts school not teach colour?? The final room contained numerous paintings of squares of different colours. Apparently this was the artist’s signature series, which he spent 26 years (!) continuing, and is known as Homage to the Square (er?). I liked the art, but it’s the sort of stuff I look at and think ‘I could do that‘ - perhaps that's why I like it. In modernist exhibitions the very first painting should be a still-life, by the artist, of a bowl of fruit thus ’proving’ they can draw - after that fair enough I say.

Thursday evening was Gothic Nightmares at Tate Britain. As someone whose entire knowledge of Greek mythology is drawn from watching Xena: Warrior Princess (which I don’t think is 100% reliable) I don’t feel I fully appreciated some of the works. However, I got the Biblical and Shakespearean references so all was not lost. Some of the works were pretty dark but a least it looked like something; no two slightly different coloured lines on a square here.

Both exhibitions are worth a nose - but what I really like about the evening viewings is the people watching. The modernist evening was complete with people wearing berets and others speaking French. The Gothic one was a bit strange in that in one room, rather than admire the art, one women really loved the Tate wallpaper so much she actually stroked it…….

"To sleep; perchance to dream"

Wednesday lunchtime - that tipping point in the week when the weekend ahead is nearer than the weekend past. Warning - this will be a pretty random post.......

I seem to have developed a habit/quirk of writing bizarre things in emails (which probably go on too long) and/or saying stupid things - you know, out loud and everything. Examples from the past couple of weeks include;

"Women over size 8 shouldn't really wear patterned dresses."

"..nor do you have the transvestite/transsexual look of Trinny or the 'mumsy' qualities of Susannah..."

"..to be honest I never thought I'd still be single @ 34 so perhaps I come at this from a different angle. Hope? Desperation? Let's go with hope - sounds better.... ;o)"

"...personally I'd like to book the lookalike anyway..."

They seem to make sense at the time, but, well????

Been a strange past 10 days or so. I've been back to Birmingham to help my Mum move to a new flat and to also attend a funeral, been to a couple of business type/committee meetings in the evenings, been to a wedding, spoken to auditors, and been to a modernist art exhibition (more on that later this week). So some has been great and other not so good - I'll leave you to work out what might fall where. All have combined with the usual stuff of life - queuing in Tesco, going to work, South West Trains being generally crap etc.

Currently tired and at that stage where I know if I actually stop, things will probably grind to a halt - all a bit weird and I need some down time and a decent couple of nights sleep. Not too easy as have various stuff on my mind at the moment - nothing 'major' just 'stuff'. Being asked 'are you happy?' has also got me thinking a bit. My initial thought was to remember what Rev Lovejoy in The Simpsons replied to a similarly deep question;

"Rev Lovejoy, is there a God?"
"Short answer, no if....... Long answer, yes but."

It's only got me thinking a bit because so far 2006 has been a bit, well, pants really. In November/December I was quite optimistic about various things and actually looking forward to the year ahead - a very unusual thing for me!! But it's already mid-March and 2006 has not yet blossomed how I envisaged or hoped on a number of levels. It seems to be grinding along - but there is still a lot of the year left so who knows?.?.?.

So am I happy? As Vicky Pollard would say........

Are you H-A-P-P-Y?

A great wedding yesterday - the whole event, the ceremony and the reception were wonderful. The bride looked stunning, the groom suitably dashing and handsome, the vows were exchanged with feeling and emotion (and some tears), the reception had a lovely atmosphere, speeches were good and funny, the band played a mix of 80s classics, and I had a little (very bad) dance. I even got to have a hold of a lovely little baby. Thoroughly enjoyable - it was a wedding you were really glad to have been invited to and it had plenty of that vital 'vibe'.

Couple of things - the wedding ceremony vows contain the phrase "with my body I honour you". I've seen my body - I'm not sure I could say that line with straight face ;o)

Talking to someone at the reception they asked "are you happy?" Bit deep I thought - I was more prepared for 'are you going anywhere nice on holiday' conversations. They then followed it by saying "you look happy." This intrigued me - I look numerous things - sometimes docile, occasionally vacant, a bit like Barry from Eastenders - but happy would not be the first thing that sprung to mind. Guess it was being at such a happy event - or the free flowing champagne!

"My eyebrow wax is in 5"

I'm off to a wedding, which should be lovely. I like the vibe of wedding days and I've been fortunate in that virtually all the weddings I've been to have had a great vibe - the receptions and ceremonies may differ, but the vibe is the key. I've also been privileged to have been a best man on two occasions - although I do wonder if that could be the male equivalent of always the bridesmaid.....

Today I'll be travelling by public transport, which adds a bit of fun - dressed for a wedding as you sit down next to the shoppers off to M&S or Primark gets you the odd look. Hopefully there won't be too many 4 Weddings moments - saying something stupid and ending up banging my head against a post or being on a table from hell - and I'm looking forward to a great day with that all important wedding vibe.

So with a fresh haircut and eyebrow trim (bizarrely even though I have a lack of hair I now spend more time in hairdressers looking after the little I have than I used to when I had long, flowing, ponytailed locks - and I get offered eyebrow trims?!?!) I will be wearing a new pink shirt to make a 'style statement'. Not sure what the statement is; it's either 'sex on a stick' (I do on occasion scrub up well) or 'yes, I know I look like a junior manager in an out of town hotel'......

Buffalo versus Bison

Have been back in Birmingham for a couple of days topping up my accent. Reminded me of a old Brummie joke;

Question - "What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?"
Answer (needs to be delivered in a broad Brummie accent) "Yow can't wash yowr hands in a buffalo, but yow can wash yowr hands in a bison.........."

Just need slip on my comedy anorak as today contains the sad news of the loss of two more comedy talents. Surreal does not do justice to Ivor Cutler - even the phrase 'unique talent' doesn't capture it - after him the mould was truely broken.

John Junkin, like Ivor Cutler, appeared in a Beatles film but was more 'old school'. A prolific writer his credits spanned from the Ted Ray Show in the 50s right up to Jon Culshaw in the noughties. OK he did write for Little & Large and Jim Davidson, but his work also included Morecombe and Wise, Marty Feldman and appearing in The Plank (with Tommy Cooper and Eric Sykes). As I said, old school but still a comedic loss.

Italian Stallion or Handsome Buck??

One of the surprising joys of blogging has been getting feedback - people emailing directly or commenting when I see them. For example,
...someone said that they can hear my voice as they read it - the 'hearing voices' bit is slightly worrying but it was a nice bit of feedback...
...several people have commented to me on the entry about my grandparents 65th wedding anniversary (see 19th Dec) which has been lovely...
...the Valentine's Day entry has polarised people - some liked it but others thought I was really putting myself down. Definitely not what I was intending - it's interesting how differently people can read things. For the record I am aware I'm a handsome, smart, funny and fully housed trained man who, let's not deny it, possesses a raw Brando-esque sexuality - but being British one doesn't want to draw attention to the fact ;o)...

Anyway, back in the 'real' world I've also had some feedback on the pink shirt question (see 23rd Feb). So far those who've expressed a preference have all said I could carry it off, though I'm not sure I want to delve too deeply into their reasoning!

Someone recommended I try Boden - spookily only yesterday I received their catalogue as some junk mail. (Forget your flyers for the local pizza/kebab outlet - I live somewhere where you get a Boden catalogue - v. strange.) The options include;

The Handsome Buck Shirt - "This will appeal to the alpha male in you. We’ve added a little bit extra to the collar, buttoned it down, and created a shirt that will make you the stag among stags."

The Italian Stallion Shirt - "Now it has become clear that there is a little bit of Italian Stallion in every one of you, we have put even more effort into creating designs worthy of your social plans. I challenge anyone to resist you in any one of these gorgeous styles."

Not sure I'm ready to phone up and say "I'd like to buy 2 Italian Stallions and a pink Handsome Buck please."

"Spring in the Air"

So when does spring start? Some say it's 1st March, others 21st March. My favourite is 'spring starts when a fair maiden can place a single foot on 7 daisies.' All I know is that it was almost daylight when I left the office tonight - yet snow is forecast - must be spring.

March already! One of my aims for 2006 was to catch up with friends more often - I know some read this blog but it's not the same. Well so far I've failed pretty miserably and the year is racing away - this is something I must rectify in the coming weeks.

'Tis also Lent - traditionally a time when we give something up for 40 days. Never been a practice I've observed but have given it some thought. Considered giving up alcohol for Lent, but I've a wedding to go in 10 days and my birthday falls before Easter - I need to be realistic! Plan (b) under consideration is something achieveable - giving up fruit and vegetables - may not really be in the spirit of Lent though......

tangent/ wondered whatever happened to The Flying Pickets /end tangent

A Genuinely Witty Person

Was just listening to 'Front Row' on Radio 4 whilst deciding what to eat tonight when I heard a tribute to Linda Smith. Aged just 48, she died yesterday from ovarian cancer.

Many may not have heard of her, but if you are a comedy anorak like myself, with an addiction to Radio 4 comedy - now supplemented with the excellent BBC7 - you were undoubtedly a big fan of her wit and humour. A humourist and humanist - she was president of the British Humanist Association - it's very sad to think we won't hear her wit afresh again.

BBC News article

Humanist Association website tribute

U Can't Touch This

Have just found this.

Throwback time.

Culture Vulture???

In London you have a range of cultural activities on your doorstep - you often don’t take advantage of this, but it’s reassuring to know that you can should you wish to drag yourself off the sofa. This week I did something I’ve never done - I went to the Royal Shakespeare Company’s production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream . Somewhat shamefully, I’ve never seen an RSC production, nor that particular play.

To be honest I didn’t know much about the plot beforehand - I knew it was the play which contained Bottom and has the best use of a horse’s head outside The Godfather - but being a Shakespeare comedy I figured it would contain mistaken identity, star-crossed lovers, perhaps some cross dressing, and maybe a random bunch of Muscovites. So I took my seat - American tourists to my right and posh sloaney types to my left.

I was slightly annoyed that Bottom was played with a Brummie accent - not that I had a particular problem with that, it was just a bad rendition of a Brummie accent - and towards the end the play does almost descend into ‘Carry On Shakespeare’. But this was proper Shakespeare; with ACTING and SHOUTING and PROJECTION. Very funny, well acted and a thoroughly enjoyable 3 hours.

You can always tell the quality of the cast by looking at the credits in the actor’s biographies. Proper actors will have at some point in their career appeared in The Bill/Casualty/Holby City. A top notch actor will be one whose been in all three. Disappointingly I have to report that according to programme with this RSC production, plenty of the cast had done sterling work in regional theatre but only two have appeared in The Bill, and another has appeared in both Casualty and Holby City. However, I can report that one had appeared in ‘Allo ‘Allo and another proudly includes The Dick Emery Show amongst their TV work. Very reassuring.

Well, Can I?

Will be a guest at a wedding in a couple of weeks and looking forward to it.

Am debating whether I could 'carry off'/get away with a light pink shirt as part of my ensemble - apparently only a few people can (?).

What thinketh ye??

Have I said too much??

Escape to Teddington

Sounds like a bad 1950s sub-Ealing comedy film title - it would probably star Bernard Cribbins, Lionel Jeffries and Beryl Reid having to hide out in a convent as nuns with 'hilarious' consequences.

Anyway, driving back from North Devon I reflected on why I live where I do. 10 months ago I was living in Surrey Quays - the cheap bit of docklands - really Bermondsey with aspirations. I shared a great flat with a great flatmate but knew I didn't want to stay in Surrey Quays; so to move where? It quickly boiled down to either the centre of London or somewhere further out - my bank account made the decision.

So, 7 months ago I escaped to Teddington (virtually rural in London terms) and I've already spotted a few differences between here & Bermondsey;
...there are fewer police signs appealing for witnesses to serious assault, GBH, armed robbery or murder - this is reassuring...
...Teddington is a bit posher - not only does it have a M&S Simply Food, but the local kebab shop puts your doner in Styrofoam box and you get a serviette with a plastic & knife fork...
...people will say 'hello' and not try to mug you...
...in Bermondsey if you saw an 18 year old woman with a 3 year old in a pushchair you weren't sure if they were sisters or mother and daughter - in Teddington the 18 year old is probably the Polish nanny...
...Teddington is very fond of puns in shop names - there is 'Top Gear' (selling motor accessories); 'Kitchen Sync' (selling kitchenware); 'Wok This Way Again' (a chinese takeaway - the 'again' suggests this, scarily, could have a sister shop); and, my favourite, the cigar shop - yes Teddington is the sort of place which has a cigar shop - called 'Hava Havana'...

Will I stay long term? When I moved someone commented that I might miss 'the urban edge' of Bermondsey. Teddington seems 'nice' - a double edged compliment if there ever was one - and I tend to have a sense of unrest. Answer - I don't yet know.

I Name This Shop....

More exploring around North Devon. In one small town I discovered a couple of slightly strange shop names. Firstly, "The Mole and Haggis Bookshop" - why?

Secondly, the local greengrocers was called "Xanadu". A great name for a 70s themed roller-disco perhaps - but I couldn't quite see the link to cucumbers and kumquats......

Way Out West

Been spending a couple of days in Barnstaple, North Devon. To me Barnstaple always seems to be the name of northern town. A sibling of Barnsley and Bradford, it once went on a holiday down south, probably carvanning, and decided to move and settle there. It now perhaps looks down on its northern brothers, who in turn feel that it has become some sort of southern softie who has forgotten its northern roots.

Anyway, some family members have relocated here and I'm paying a visit - partly to catch up with them all, but also to be a bit nosy. Although they moved only 3 weeks ago, the house looks remarkably lived in and organised - much more than I am in my small flat which still contains boxes to unpack after moving 7 months ago.

It's a great part of the country - yesterday was spent at various bays enjoying the sun, sand and watching the surfing dudes and dudettes whilst drinking hot chocolate - you can see the attraction of relocating. But why do we live where we do? Family? Work? Friends? Lifestyle?

I've lived in Birmingham, Manchester and London - I'm a city boy. I love the outdoors and can see the attraction of country/village life, but could I live there? I doubt it. For me there is a bit of a paradox - you move to the country for the space, but I sense it could also be a bit claustrophobic with people knowing all about your business etc. By contrast the city, though crowded and busy, offers a sense of anonymity and privacy.

I'm enjoying my time in Devon - and I hope it will be the first of many visits - but I sense that if I lived here, after a few weeks I'd really miss not having a local arthouse cinema showing poncey films in french. Perhaps, just like Barnstaple, I've become a southern softie.....

"Devon, I'm in Devon"

In Devon for a long weekend . I’ve been to numerous parts of the UK - from the Scilly Isles to the Orkneys, but Devon is a county I’ve only really driven through rather than visited.

When in a new part of the UK I like to listen to the local radio stations - I find they give you a good feel for the place. Coming through Devon I tuned into the local station and caught some of their phone in.

“Today we are discussing how short people when driving tend to be at a bit more of a disadvantage as the sun shines in their eyes more. Give us a call to talk about this and how you deal with it.”

First caller; “I tend to prop my self up in the driving seat by using a lot of cushions.”

Second caller; “I don’t understand why car manufacturers, instead of fitting the shades they currently do, don’t fit some sort of roller blind to the windscreen. The driver can then adjust it depending on their height and where the sun is.”

This is why wherever I have a mad idea to attempt to write some form of comedy I feel I should give up - I’ll never come up with anything funnier than what happens in real life.

Guess I’ve now got a feel for Devon.

Snuggle-Wuggles Love Cutesy-Putsy

Are you ready for some level 5 openness and honesty? And no, I've no idea what level 5 is, but I'm guessing I'm usually around level 0.5. Are you worried yet?

Today is Valentine's Day. I'm quick me - the numerous email reminders from Interflora were a bit of a clue as was me spotting that M&S were selling single long stemed red roses at Waterloo station last night; but how I made it on the La Senza email reminder list I'm not entirely sure. So, with it being Valentine's Day thoughts move to great romantic couples - Romeo & Juliet, Beatrice and Benedict, Darcy and Lizzie Bennett, Chantelle and Preston (I've still no idea who Preston is/was and saying he's in the Ordinary Boys doesn't help).

So here is my confession - I'm a bit of a romantic. I know, I know - I can sense some you spluttering on your coffee as you read that but it's true - perhaps well hidden, but true.

Of course the slight problem is that whilst on the whole I can be pretty perceptive; in certain areas it has to be said I'm a bit of a muppet - I can't read signals, I send the wrong signals, move too fast, move too slow, my timing is poor and I can be pretty clueless. However, rather than see this as a major negative, I much prefer to look at this as part of my naive charm! On the plus side it can provide great entertain for friends - like rubber necking at an accident, they know they shouldn't look, but.... it's...... just....... too..... tempting!

As I've said before, one of my favourite sitcom lines is 'you don't get to be in your 30s and still be single by being good at this' (on occasion I do wonder how far I am away from an Oakhall holiday - wonder how many will get that reference?). So Valentine's Day is one of those days, along with birthdays and New Year's Eve, which makes me pause and reflect. I have a lot for which I am thankful and grateful - yet so far some pieces have still to fall into place in that jigsaw of life.

Is today annoying? Can be slightly, but that soon passes as the day is about love and romance and how can you stay annoyed about that? Plus, like the eternally optimistic football fan says (and as a supporter of Birmingham City I need to be optimistic about now), there is always next week, next month or next year and who knows?

Don't misinterpret the above as being downbeat or negative - it's certainly not meant to be. Today is a lovely day and if you do have that special someone then send flowers to their workplace to show how much you care, do something romantic, embrace the day - embrace them!

Mind you, £4.99 for a single rose....

Baby on Board

I’m sure that when I become a parent I’ll do all sorts of things I would never have dreamed of; things I’d normally be extremely embarrassed about. For example, lifting a small child up in public (ideally a public place such as a crowded restaurant), sniffing his/her bottom then passing him/her to my partner and saying, "what do you think, time for a change?"

However, the whole ‘baby on board’ sign in car windows I really don’t get. What are you trying to say? You’re more fertile than me? I should drive differently because a baby is more important than an older child or an adult?

Only the ‘small person on board’ sign is weirder. It has no place in society - unless you’re giving Ronnie Corbett a lift.

Wot I done on my holidays

So what do you on holiday that you don’t normally do?? On my recent ski trip the new stuff I tried included;
…exercise daily - I tend to be more beer barrel (or Watney’s Party 7 for those who’ve been watching Life on Mars) than six pack. Rarely do I have my five 30 minute exercise periods a week. A skiing holiday changes that…
…fruit daily - I’ve accidentally become known as ‘mr no fruit’. A shade unfair but couldn’t say I ate fruit every day - on holiday I did, and that doesn’t include the banana shaped and flavoured chocolates - which included 15% banana pulp!
…salad daily - not a particular favourite of mine - what is the point of lettuce? In Switzerland the first course of each evening meal was a salad - quite tasty!
…moisturise daily - beauty this *good* requires minimal work - but on holiday you like to make that little extra effort, no?

The hotel bar also had its own character. Full of skiing, ice hockey and curling team pennants (somewhat bizarrely including one from Sheffield United), it also included a photo of Sepp Blatter (FIFA President who apparently grew up in the same village as the hotel owner), a photo of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman following a member of staff (who moaned that she looked 5 kilos heavier in those days) and a photo of the town doctor meeting the Pope - I loved it.

Other guests included a group of South Africans, an older Scottish bloke with a magnificent beard, a group of 20 somethings including a woman from Wales (lovely accent) and a couple who I can best describe as being very 'Abigail's Party'. Quite what the Swiss made of it all who knows....

Safely back - physically fine

Back from a week skiing in Zermatt - a beautiful location with stunning scenery. A good week, I’ve done more skiing than I’ve ever done in a week before. All limbs ache, but are safely accounted for.

A week’s skiing is great - you get fresh air and exercise (always a change for me) and because you are worried about staying upright it takes your mind off other things, work etc. Yet, because you also spend a lot of time on lifts and in cable cars, you do get time to think and the beautiful scenery gives you a fresh perspective. It is a nice balance between exercise and relaxation, between distraction and reflection - a very good week. Plus, because you are doing so much exercise, you get to eat like crazy without fear of blowing up like a whale.

Other stuff….
…. Being weighed in order to set the ski bindings I found that I’d lost a few kilos compared to last year - result!
…. I definitely need to be fitter
…. I wish I could speak another language - one staff member at the hotel could speak six - I can barely speak one
…. Apparently some parts of the blog have been a bit cryptic (naturally) and people have been reading between the lines… interestingly they’ve read things pretty well…
.... watch The IT Crowd currently on C4 - v. funny
.... the alpine scenery at 12,000 feet in sunshine and beautifully still conditions is amazing

A Right Mixed Bag

Today would have been my Dad's 62nd birthday; it is also exactly 7 months since he died. Neither a major milestone, nor particularly emotional events; but both are things which prompt a little reflection.

Overall a very mixed week. I've been working on some accounts which refuse to give the 'right' bottom line; I think I've possibly tarnished a friendship; there appears to be some sort of problem with the sale of the family house; and I'd like to be in two places at same time, not once but twice, tomorrow. All grist in the mill of life!!

However, there has also been some beautiful things - such as catching up with some friends over a meal. Plus Radio 4 is doing away with 'UK theme' - if you're an insomniac this is the annoying tune that heralds the start of the Radio 4 day at 5.30 every morning. I'll be glad to see the back of it - if only they'll get rid of 'Sailing By' as well. As I say, a mixed week......

The real highlight is that I'm off on holiday tomorrow - a week in the mountains pretending to ski. Looking forward to it - a chance for some space, some fresh air and to relax the mind, if not the body!

This also means that there won't be an update on the blog for a week - I can sense your relief!

Gimme a........

In the past 24 hours I've been described as "talented" and "not looking as round as you normally do". Both by the same person and both, I think, were compliments.

I also came across the following phrase in a book, "You need to be your own cheerleader." So, always willing to try something new, here goes;

....Gimme a S.....
....Gimme a M.....
etc. etc.

Go Smitty!!!

Mmmh, feel *so* much better.

Fluff Bucket

Got a lovely thank you note in the post this morning in which I was described as a 'fluff bucket'.

Made me smile - thank you.

Really??

Today a whale was swimming in the Thames near where I work.

The BBC website said that it looks as though it had swam off course......

Pointless stuff I own

My fruitbowl for starters. Don't get me wrong, on high days and holidays I'll dabble with fruit - no fruitist behaviour here. However, the actual percentage of time my fruit bowl is used for its designed purpose is pretty minmal. As Eddie Izzard said, you'll buy fruit, put it in the bowl and just watch it rot - often whilst eating a Mars Bar.

I also own a unicycle....don't ask. Percentage of time used as a unicycle so far....0%. Percentage of time used as some sort of modern art installation....100%. The instructions for its use are;

1. Squeeze the saddle between your legs.
2. Place your foot on the pedal facing the rear. Press your hips against the saddleand quickly place the other leg on the other pedal.
3. Start pedalling immediately.

Mmmh..... I sense an impending and embarassing conversation at A&E attempting to explain a bizarre injury. Don't think the opening phrase "when I was attempting to unicycle..." would elicit much sympathy.

Minor rant - noticed tonight that Tescos are now selling Easter Eggs - must check diary but I thought it was still January.

"Life is a rollercoaster....."

You'll probably have that song in your head now...my work is done. Forgive another reflective post - not what I intended when I commenced blogging - fear not, the 'funnies' will return.

I've no idea what a 'normal' weekend is, particularly a Saturday. From mid-Oct I had various things - some social! - and didn't have free Saturdays - quite enjoyable. This Sat was back to Birmingham to go through the final things left in the family house, stuff I might be interested in. I've found these occasions a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. There is the 2 hour drive each way alone with my thoughts (many of you will know that may not be the most cheerful of places!). What will I find? Will it bring joy or sadness? A bit of a hoarder by nature, will I be able to bring myself to throw stuff away? Additionally, with the family home in the process of being sold, this could be the final time I'd be at the house I'd grown up in.

Though a mixed day, overall it was OK. Mum fund various stuff relating to the time spent in Africa - including the cards I got for my first birthday - so was quite happy. Me? I ploughed through various old toys and books from when I was a kid. Mostly junk - with 3 trips to the local council dump - I did manage to retreive the following;
....a Sinclair Spectrum + computer - wonder if it still works...
....a Kodak slide projector - a lot of family snaps are on slides...
....various annuals from the 70s & 80s - Blue Peter, Multi-Coloured Swap Shop, Ivor the Engine, Roy of the Rovers, Mary, Mungo and Midge, Parsley & the Herbs, Look-in....
....a wooden elephant...
....a couple of sets of FuzzyFelt...
....Starsky & Hutch and Neighbours board games...

My garage is now like the storage area for the conveyor belt round of the Generation Game in the early 80s....

My "career"

I've been filling in an application form for a 'leadership programme' which has been recommended to me. I have no idea if I'll get on it, but I've managed to describe my entire career to date in 106 words. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing......

I've also used the following phrase;
..."[I hope] to become more aware of my strengths and weaknesses regarding possible future leadership contexts"...

I feel so ashamed. And no, I've no idea what it means either.

Look, I’ve already admitted it…..

Previously I’ve admitted, very publicly, that I take a guilty pleasures in some television programmes. Well the OC is back on E4 - a ray of Californian sunshine in the gloomy British winter - although it’s not quite the same now that ‘Jim Robinson’ has died.

A guilty pleasure admittedly, but it’s sassy, witty, has some great one liners, is completely detached from reality and, in Peter Gallagher, it has the finest set of eyebrows outside of Denis Healey or the Archbishop of Canterbury.

What can British TV offer? Hollyoaks?

T is for Tambourine

During a church service I went to yesterday there was what I can only describe as a "premeditated tambourine related incident".

The only slight positive was that neither ribbons nor tassels were involved.

And things seemed to be going so well.....

Weird Weekend

Not along the lines of Louis Theroux spending it with the Hamiltons or some bizarre sect in the deep south of the USA - just a slightly strange weekend for me. I’d deliberately kept it free ‘just in case‘ and I’m still not 100% after being ill at Christmas. However, in the end I had nothing to do this weekend - zip, zilch, nada, nowt. Following the Christmas and New Year whirl, plus the November and December busyness, it was a very weird feeling - just me, myself and my flat for 48 hours - v. scary. OK, I had stuff to do - attempt to sort out the junk in my garage or clean the fridge freezer - but surprisingly these didn’t appeal as exciting weekend distractions!

Will this be the pattern for 2006? Hope not - I like/need to do ‘things’ - but the diary is a little bare; a skiing trip, a wedding in March, and somewhat bizarrely, the Bon Jovi concert at the new Wembley (don’t ask….). I knew 2006 would be different, but I’m not sure this is what I had in mind. So what did I do? Well, thank God for BBC7 - fast becoming my favourite radio station - which had a 3 hour tribute to Ronnie Barker on Saturday morning. So I listened to that and pottered around. Then, with the rest of the day ahead, figured it was time for watching some cowboy on cowboy lovin’.

Brokeback Mountain is an absorbing film - beautifully shot, stunning scenery, well acted and great moustaches. Some Ang Lee films, particularly Sense and Sensibility and To Ride with the Devil, I really like and this new one is well worth watching. However, it’s also very sad - not a film to see if you want some light comedy or cheering up - you have been warned. I also found myself thinking,
…isn’t that the nurse from ER, the one whose with Luka?
…blimey, Jen from Dawson’s Creek ain’t half changed…..

Why I Heart London

Bought Time Out this week. First time I've bought it for ages - who has time to read it and go out? They list 101 things that make London great, my favourites are;
....pub dogs....
....seeing skate kids fall over on the South Bank....
....Churches with names like St Andrew's-by-the-Wardrobe....

On the way home tonight was another reason I like London. A bloke was cycling home by County Hall - speeding along complete with jacket and rucksack. He was on a large unicycle. No one batted an eyelid.

Sordid Confession.........part 2

Hope that you had a good Christmas and New Year. Mine has been OK but I've been ill since Boxing Day so much of the past week has been spent in bed or on various sofas coughing and spluttering. This has led to me discoverings things I feel, in the spirit of being more open in 2006, I can now confess to the wider group. You have been warned!

Firstly, I took some cough mixture the other day having been warned it was disgusting. Problem is I quite liked it! It now appears that I've turned into such a lush that I enjoy cough mixture. Am I one step away from meths and aftershave?.?.?

Secondly - and you understand that I've been ill, had time on my hands, it was half price in the sale, and I'm only doing it for research purposes - I've been reading Jane Austen's Guide to Dating. It's been one of the sleeper hit books of the winter and, frankly, I need all the help I can get. It's a fascinating read, very entertaining and has confirmed one key thing - when to comes to these things I am completely clueless (film ref for the anoraks....).

Now, about this being more open............

That Was The Year That Was

I knew 2005 was going to be an eventful year; all being well my MBA studies would come to an end and I was looking to move to a different part of London at some point in the summer. Following this, the autumn was going to be a time for readjusting and relaxing - little did I know.

The year has had some great moments; a wonderful skiing holiday, going to a FA cup semi final, graduating with an MBA, moving flat, and going to the first day of the Ashes Test Match at the Oval. I’ve built upon some new friendships and also caught up with some older ones. However, much has been overshadowed by my father’s sudden death - never an easy event and one which left a lot of emotional and practical issues to deal with. For the summer and autumn my life got put on hold - the vague plans I had quickly ignored.

I still remember clearly where I was when I got the phone call; the numbness which struck and then having to make phone calls to the wider family. Arrangements had to be made, solicitors dealt with, numerous things to sort out over a period of months. However, even amongst such a time of sorrow, there have been precious moments to savour. I’ve spent more time with friends and family than I would normally. I received several cards and notes from people, all of which were invaluable and for which I thank you. 2005 had both low and high moments - and it’s important that the highs are equally remembered.

As for 2006? Just like a model in the swimsuit round of a beauty pageant (now there’s a nice mental image for you!) I wish for world peace and an end to hunger. I guess I have similar aims to others - eat better, exercise more etc. Interestingly, for the year ahead I have few plans - I’m not studying and I don’t intend to move job or flat. I want to get to know where I live a bit better, become more comfortable with myself, become more relaxed. Who knows where this might lead and what might happen? The year could contain some adventure, perhaps excitement, learning a new skill, finally commencing writing that sitcom set in a shopping centre, may be even romance, who knows? For me the key will be to be open to whatever happens.

So as 2005 draws to a close, wherever you are, and whoever you see the New Year in with, I hope that you remember the highs as well as the lows. Hold on to the good times and learn from the not so good. I hope you look forward to the coming year and I wish you a very happy 2006.

Random Christmas thoughts

A few things I’ve noticed over the Christmas period;
….revenge of the turkey - I’ve managed to avoid turkey at Christmas for about 5 years. This year I had turkey at 4 successive meals….
….laundry - people do their washing at strange times. During the Christmas Day service at church, at about 11am, I noticed 4 neighbouring houses had washing on their line. The local launderette, at about 1pm, was not only open but people were using the tumble dryers. Some bizarre tablecloth nightmare???
….garden centres - seem to have very little ’garden’ about them. Went to one and could buy candles, books, paintings, fish, cards, porcelain figurines, clothes, lighting, furniture, ferrets, snakes, hot tubs, fruit and lizards. I think you could also buy plants…..
…..reading - at Christmas I tend to read a little more. The January 2006 edition of Cosmo was very educational, especially page 16.…
....5 portions - Christmas is probably the only time of the year I easily get 5 portions of veg a day - often in one meal....
…..dumb things people say - “I know it sounds daft, but I’ve got to take off my glasses to see where I’m going.” Yep, it did sound daft, even more so when delivered in a thick Bristolian accent……
…..next Christmas? - I’ve quite enjoyed this Christmas. I’ve seen and caught up with various friends and family and received some lovely gifts. Next year I want to do something different - not sure what, but have about 360 days to work it out.

On the third day of Christmas......

I hope that you all had a good Christmas, that you didn't go down with food poisoning, that you didn't you eat so much that you could no longer see out and that you didn't tell Auntie Maud what you really thought of her present.

Above all I hope that you got to spend time with friends, family and loved ones - and that some of these groups included the same people.

'Twas the night before Christmas

Christmas is nearly upon us. Yesterday, amid the final bits of my Christmas shopping and wrapping of presents, I took a couple of hours out to watch ‘The Family Stone’. To say it’s had mixed reviews is an understatement - last Saturday the Independent listing mag described it as very good and gave it 4 stars out of 5, on Friday the Independent was listing it as ‘one to avoid‘, today it was one on the top 5 films to see in its listing mag!

It’s about family and Christmas. It’s OK - a little bittersweet and a touch US indy cinema by numbers - you also have to be in the right frame of mind to watch it. It did get me thinking about Christmas, friends and family. I was asked a couple of weeks ago what would be my ideal Christmas this year. I said I'd love to go away to Cornwall or some sunny islands for the week with my partner - some of you may have spotted the flaw in my plan! I'd not caught up with this person for a while, so I let it hang there and let them try to work out whether I'd now hooked up with someone and they had missed it. After a suitable pause I admitted that the fundamental flaw in this plan was my lack of partner!

Being a singleton at Christmas is different - not better nor worse - just different. You don't get into the "we went to your parents last year and you know I hate your mother's gravy" type arguments - which is good. Equally, without kids you can't extract yourself from a dull evening with the"kids are getting tired" excuse - which, on occasion, could be useful. The main thing is you are not quite sure where you want or are supposed to be - with parents, siblings, friends, wider family?

This year I'm fortunate in that I'll spend time with all of the above. For this, and for the great collection of friends and family I have, I am grateful and extremely blessed. Wherever you are this Christmas I hope you find peace, love and contentment. Love to you all.

Ding Dong

Christmas is virtually upon us but I have to admit that I really don’t get some Christmas carols. Take for example, this verse from ‘Away in a Manger.’

“The cattle are lowing,
The baby awakes,
But little Lord Jesus,
No crying he makes.”

Firstly, coming from Birmingham the phrase ‘the cattle are lowing’ meant very little. But ‘no crying he makes’ - come on, he was a baby it’s what they do. What about this from O Little Town of Bethlehem?

“How silently, how silently,
The wondrous gift is given.”

Now as a bloke I’m obviously not 100% nuanced with the finer points of child birth, but I’m guessing that the birth of a child to a single teenaged mother in a stable was probably not the most silent of occasions. Once in Royal David's City says,

“Christian children all should be,
Mild, obedient, good as he.”

Any church based youth workers care to comment?? I could go on - don’t get me started on ‘In the bleak mid winter’ or ‘Ding dong merrily on high’ - but there are a couple of carols I do enjoy. ‘Hark the Herald Angels’ is excellent, and even ’Whilst shepherds watched their flocks…’ can be good - when sung to the tune of ’On Ilkley Moor bar ‘tat’ (trust me - it works). Enjoy and sing heartily.

Guys, we might need a rewrite

The current slogan on the Burger King TV ads is,

"Kong Your Whopper!"

Is it just me or..?..?...

It's just me then.

All you need is.....

Today is a pretty special day; today is my grandparents 65th wedding anniversary. That’s right, 65th.

Married in 1940, during WW2 when both were in their early 20s, they’re now in their late 80s and still together. Other than during the war, or due to illness, I expect they can count the number of nights they’ve spent apart on one hand. To date their family stands at 3 sons (all married), 7 grandchildren (some married) and 4 great grandchildren (none married but the eldest is only 11 so let’s give them a chance). Yesterday several of the family - spread over four generations - got together to have a very low key celebration in the residential home in which they now both live.

This landmark celebration has made me think. It’s extremely unlikely I’ll ever celebrate such an occasion. Even if I married tomorrow (and no, I don’t have an announcement) I’d need to live until 99 to reach such a date - and I think we know that’s unlikely! I wonder what else they’ve experienced that I won’t? They are the generation of the war - something I hope we never have to go through - but I guess they’ve also had to go through times of great austerity as well as huge technological changes. Indeed only yesterday they were admiring people’s digital cameras and commenting, as only older people can, about how things have changed since their day. But I also wonder if there are things we have to go through today which they are happy to miss?

I’m a bit of a comedy anorak and one of my favourite lines in a sitcom is when someone is explaining how they’ve screwed up a potential relationship. “You don’t get to still be single in your 30s by being good at this,” they note. Very true, and a little too close to home for my liking! I guess I should learn more about all sorts of things from my grandparents. Yes they are of a very different generation, and there will be times when they will drive me slightly mad (as I’m sure I do they). But when it comes what makes a good and long lasting marriage, whatever it is they’ve got, they’ve obviously got something right.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda

Things I wish I hadn't said out loud in the past 72 hours.

"I'm currently reading Jimmy Hill's autobiography - it's fascinating."

"When I was a reserve contestant on Fifteen-to-One..........."

Things I wish I had said.

Well, that would be telling - I just hope I haven't blown it.

Know Thyself?

Been another week with several social occasions and chances to catch up with friends. Driving back from one party I got a little reflective. It was a party where I knew a few people, but not many, and as I’ve said before I wouldn‘t see myself as a ‘natural‘ on these occasions. I’m quite introverted and have the Myers-Briggs results to prove it!

About a year ago I took the Myers-Briggs personality test and I scored highly on the introversion scale - for me not a great surprise. However, results from colleagues and friends did surprise me - of the 16 broad personality types within the test, between them friends and colleagues put me in 12, and none chose the one I scored in. This suggests I’m either incredibly well balanced or slightly barking!

Why am I introverted? Alan Bennett comments his shyness is down to being brought up to be polite and not to show off - I feel there’s quite a bit of truth in that! For myself, introversion is a combination of being private, being shy and perhaps slightly lacking in self confidence (IMHO very different to low self esteem). And yes, I use self deprecating humour as a bit of a defence.

Is this good or bad? I don’t know, but I feel it’s an area I need to work at so that gives a sort of answer. I know have a lot of good qualities - apparently some have commented that I could be regarded as a ‘good catch’ (yes, I know - insert joke here about mackerel or sprat?) and I guess, along with the Alan Bennett comment above, there is probably an element of truth in it.

Yep, I know I need to loosen up a little, not be as guarded, become a bit more open and perhaps allow a little more of the ‘real me’ to show through. Bloody terrifying though! Experimenting with this blog is one part of the process and who knows, I could be pleasantly surprised.

'Tis the season.....

Parents, if you really want to know how well your child is doing at school, nursery, playgroup or youth group, ignore any end of term report or feedback - you just need to go to the Christmas or Nativity play.

If your child is either Mary or Joseph - fear not, your child is intelligent and doing well.

If they are one of the Wise Men - don’t panic, it means they are confident and reading well else they wouldn’t have been selected to say the words gold, frankincense or myrrh.

Angel Gabriel - good, they have a presence and can remember things.

One of the shepherds - OK, they know how to follow instructions and where and when to stand.

If, however, they are playing 5th sheep - I’d be worried.

Me? When I was young I got to play the Innkeeper. Yep, I was the one who turned away Mary and Joseph. Not entirely sure what it means but I’m guessing it wasn’t good.

Books etc

Browsing in the bookshop for ideas for presents I noticed the following;

"Everything men know about women - complete and unabridged."

Picked it up - was 200 completely blank pages. Me thinks it contains a lot of truth.

Slight tangent - not sure if I spent too much or too little time in the self help section.

Friday Night Lights

Amount of time spent Christmas shopping?

15 minutes.

Number of present bought?

8.

Cost of presents?

£94.50

The look on a person's face when they realise I've given them an 'amusing' fridge magnet?

Priceless.

Christmas is a time for giving and love - to pay for it there's Mastercard.

Somebody........

......needs to stop reading this and answer the texts and other messages left by his wife.

You know who you are!

Many thanks to all who comment on this blog - all comments are very gratefully received.

W and G

One man’s love of cheese, his dog’s love of a marrow, and the whole village's love of root vegetables.

Busy - but in a good way

Recently I’ve watched Pride and Prejudice – both the new film and the BBC series. Darcy comments, “I have not that talent which some possess, of conversing easily with strangers.” Now I’m unlike Darcy in numerous ways (!) but the above line hit home with me – it’s the one quality (?) I have in common with him. I’m private, quiet and introverted – areas on which I’m working. Put me in a room with a bunch of strangers and I’ll be the wallflower - I can’t ‘work’ a room at parties; a quality I don’t have but do admire in others. (BTW - Lizzie’s reply – “I do not play this instrument so well as I should wish to, but I have always supposed that to be my own fault, because I would not take the trouble of practising!” – is excellent and puts both Darcy and I in our places. Also the real love story in P&P has to be Mr & Mrs Bennett).

I thought about this as in the past couple of weeks I’ve been busy catching up with old friends and building on new friendships. I don’t feel building on newer friendships comes naturally to me, and the past couple of weeks have coincided with one of my bouts of insomnia - I usually get a couple of spells a year. Lack of sleep tends to make me grumpier (is that possible?) and appear semi-detached – not the best qualities when catching up with friends!! I also managed to double book a couple of things on Saturday and ended go back and forth across London trying to fit everything in. So to all I’ve seen in the past few weeks I’d like to apologise if I was even grumpier or more semi detached than normal – it wasn’t you!

Catching up with older friends, and building on newer friendships, has been a real joy. Time on these things is always well spent – thank you.

A moment of doubt

Have been reading several other blogs - both at random and some of people I know.

Some are good, some are weird and some outright scary. Mind you, can't say I wasn't warned. Little bit worried as to;
....what of the above categories I might fall into...
....what sort of bizarre sub culture am I now participating in...

Might need to revert to emergency plan (b).....

E is for Eggs

You're there watching a chicken lay an egg.

At what point do you think 'I wonder what that tastes like?'

Why do we poach, boil, fry and scramble eggs?

Why not just crack the top off, bung in a straw - maybe a sparkler and a little umbrella - and treat it like nature's prepared cocktail?